Korlash, Heir to Blackblade Illustrated by Richard Kane Ferguson

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com! You might see your story in the column. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast? 

THIS PODCAST!

I'm Mike Carrozza, aka Mark Carbonza, the guy you can sacrifice to cast your Rottenmouth Viper.

I BOW DOWN TO THE BIG LONG MONSTER!

This week, can I read your card? A submission from Commander Herald's own Nick Wolf.

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and a bit of polarity.)

HEY, MARK!

Hello Mike,

My name is Nick Wolf. We've met.

These days, I don't play Commander nearly as often as I used to, and most of the games I do play are with close friends, so the frequency in which I could risk being Bolas-y is low. But never zero.

Every once in a while I'm able to get a few games in with strangers, which to me is refreshing to see how Commander's played outside of my little friend-group bubble. We all read articles and listen to podcasts and talk about the theory of the game, but in reality when four people sit at a table to actually shuffle up, we realize that the tertiary discussion online is just that. Each player brings themselves to the table in a way that can't be reflected in a deck tech article.

Anyway, the scenario.

One of those rare games with strangers is happening. The familiarity that comes with playing with close friends goes both ways. I know them, and they know me. Or more specifically, they know my decks. I'm not a mold-breaking deckbuilder or anything. My decks fall into one of two categories: low-power gimmick decks or very synergy-focused value decks. Recent examples of gimmick decks include a Jund Walls deck built around the card Blight Pile and an all old-border Urza, Prince of Kroog deck that aims to copy Booby Trap as many times as possible.

In the game in question, I was playing a more streamlined deck: Korlash, Heir to Blackblade.

Backing up a bit, and Mike, you know this, but I'm a big art guy, and one of the ways I engage with Magic through art is by getting artists' signatures on cards. I've been doing it for more than a decade, and I probably have nearly 1,000 signed cards by now. I love using these cards in decks, and often I have to use them, because they're the only copies of a particular card that I own.

Being such an enfranchised player (read: old), I probably take for granted my institutional knowledge of the game. Like many of your readers, I can ID most cards printed from Alpha to, say, 2018 at a glance. After 2018 it gets a little muddy. But along with the explosion of new cards we've gotten since 2020, we've also gotten an explosion of new players who don't have that institutional experience.

So when I sat down to play Korlash, a 17-year-old card, I told the table that "it pretty much does what it says on the tin." I forget that if someone got their start in Commander because they thought Doctor Who is cool, they probably don't know who Korlash is. But no one asked me to elaborate.

Therein lies the second problem, namely with the artists' signatures. Nearly the entire deck is signed by artists, and artists sign primarily on the text box, and some artists are more grandiose with their signatures than others. Korlash itself is signed by Richard Kane Ferguson, who is well-known in sig circles for going ham.

Once one of the players (playing Sauron, the Dark Lord) got a look at Korlash in my command zone, they asked to see it. I obliged. The Sauron player huffed and said they couldn't read it, what does it do. I told them. Sauron said, "So I have to take your word for it?" The other two players didn't really say anything either way. He also offhandedly remarked at some point that he tends to play against many of the folks who are new to the store. I wonder why. 

I brought up Scryfall on my phone. That seemed to be satisfactory. The game began, and I played a Swamp for my turn, which is also signed. But it's a Swamp, everyone knows what a Swamp is. That elicited a groan from Sauron, who said, "I think I see a pattern here."

That's when I gave a brief explanation about my love of signed cards (more brief than this lengthy email). Sauron said, "They look damaged to me," which is a common jab that signature-enjoyers hear. I don't really care for that particular opinion obviously, but people are free to feel how they feel.

We get to my second turn, and I cast an Umezawa's Jitte. This is where my Bolas-ness might be evident. I almost exclusively play with close friends. We all know exactly what a Jitte does. And the one in my Korlash deck is not only signed, but in Italian. And while it was Sauron's turn, I pulled it up on Scryfall ahead of time, to be nice.

Sauron was not pleased. They told me that they'll be attacking me and only me for the entire game, "[S]o I don't have to go online to figure out what your cards do." That's when, to quote a famous philosopher, I stopped being nice and started being real. I told them that I have no idea what Sauron, the Dark Lord does, and just because it's in English and is ink-free doesn't mean I'm going to read all those words.

The game devolved into a mess. The other players went through the motions, mostly goldfishing. One of the two, to their credit, thought a lot of my cards were cool and asked where I met the artists whose signatures I had. Eventually Sauron eliminated me because I refused to learn what "the Ring tempts you" means. I was really just being a baby, I admit this.

I made a lot of jokes at Sauron's expense, pretending to read every card they played, even a Sol Ring. I did make sure to ask each time before I grabbed their cards, and eventually they stopped saying yes to that request, and when I cast a few cards that weren't signed and were in English, I asked snidely if they needed me to look them up on Scryfall for them.

Listen Mike, I'm a very easygoing guy. This is very out of character for me, but then again I very rarely play against strangers, so maybe I've inadvertently sheltered myself in an echo chamber. But I like what I like, and I like fancy cards. I could have been more diplomatic. I know this. But I let my irritation get the better of me. Even writing this story out here, I'm tempted to just delete it since it seems like a foregone conclusion that I was indeed Bolas-y.

I submit myself to your judgment and look forward to hearing what you recommend in order to avoid this situation in the future.

Thanks,

Nick

WELL, HEY, NICK!

Nick, my friend, thank you for writing in. As I say every week, without folks writing in, there is no column. If you, the reader, have a story to share or question to ask, send it over to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll write it up!

Buddy, I'll tell you right away that you were being prickly. You acknowledge this in your submission. This story is fun, but in a way that I know it might have been uncomfortable for the other two players at the table. I've experienced your decks in person, and the reaction to them tends to be like the other player in the pod who asked you about the signatures and meeting the artists. Your decks are filled with special art and signatures. As someone who loves to see this stuff, I appreciate the opportunity to see so much love put into a deck. 

However, I'm also someone who knows a ton of cards and doesn't mind pulling up Scryfall to read some cards. I understand, as game pieces go, it's pretty important to be able to read them and understand their functionality, but once you make it apparent that you are ready to explain the cards or pull up a version on your phone to present to the pod, it feels like that hurdle is cleared.

So what's with this Sauron player? He seems he's got a reputation at the LGS; do the regulars avoid him? But does that matter? This is someone who doesn't like playing against signed cards. That's fair! He focused on you, and that sucks, for sure, but after the game, I'd expect he would ask not to play against you again. Was this conversation had? 

He was snarky, he wasn't willing to bend when the rest of the group seemed to be fine with it, he focused all efforts on you. Your response, well, depends who you ask. You repaid the snarkiness in kind, sarcastically asking for each card. You'd made your point and continued to ask. I think sticking around much longer instead of excusing yourself for a moment might not have been the move. It's an LGS, I'd hope other pods are looking to fire or maybe there's time for you to hang until the game ends and you can ask the others if they didn't mind splintering pods. 

Either way, this is a rare case of knowing the writer of the email. I know you well enough to know that this is very out of character and that the provocation must have been pretty strong to elicit this reaction from you. I think being focused on can bring out an intensity, for sure. 

So I guess this one is a bit of a toss-up. Your reaction wasn't great. That'll get you a Bolas nod. But hey, if you get poked enough, why are you the bad guy for reacting? The other thing is...asking to read every card with this situation is such a stubborn and funny bit. It's prickly, yes, but it's also a taste of their medicine. 

I'm leaning into my bias for sure if I say you're not the Bolas, but you did a Bolas thing. I would suggest next time learning what "the Ring tempts you" means, at least.