Yugi Moto Speaks Out Against Jace Beleren
Following Friday’s release of the Planeswalker’s Guide to Reality Fracture, King of Games, ancient Egyptian pharaoh, and permanent anime high school student Yugi Moto (and his headmate, the Pharaoh Atem) have gone on the record to state that they condemn Jace Beleren for evidently failing to create a healthy understanding between the various pieces of his mind, as the two of them had done in the past.
“The Pharaoh and I have been through some tough times together, but what matters most is that we always supported one another,” said Yugi, speaking of his taller, deeper-voiced, and handsomer counterpart. “We worked together to solve our problems, just like any high school student would with his five-thousand-year-old slave-owning ancestor who looks just like him while happening to be far better at children’s trading card games. Whatever the hell this ‘Jace’ guy and his ‘Theorist’ headmate have going on? That’s something else. They’ve gotta work that shit out.”
“I agree,” said the Pharaoh Atem, whom this interviewer had to visit in the afterlife by use of Seto Kaiba’s space elevator, which new Kaibacorp CEO Mokuba Kaiba reluctantly allowed us to use after it definitely killed his older brother in the semi-recent Dark Side of Dimensions movie. “Yugi and I were partners. Two of a kind, two in one. Of course, I handled all of the most important moments, like playing the children’s card games. But Yugi also had some important subplots about friendship and such with… oh, what was her name? Tea! Yes, that one.”
We did note, however, that Yugi and Atem may not be the best example of a well-functioning plural system, given that the two of them have now parted, and never originated in the same consciousness to begin with.
“Yes, it was terrible when Yugi and I were separated back in Season Four, and I had to for the first time confront life without him,” Atem agreed, looking contemplative from the top of his throne while this interviewer continued to literally wither away from being technically still alive while in the ancient Egyptian afterlife. “But Season Five then decided that it was actually a necessity for us to stay apart, because I’d been dead for so long or somesuch. In truth, I haven’t seen much of Season Five–LittleKuriboh hasn’t gotten there yet, after all. But still, I find this ‘Jace’ fellow to be rather cruel, to be cutting off parts of himself like that. One imagines that it might create a harmful stereotype for real life people who genuinely are a plural system, and not two or more people sharing a body due to some anime bullshit like Yugi and I once did.”
When asked about any more positive representations of plural systems in media, the Pharaoh hummed as this interviewer’s legs dissolved and she briefly dropped her recording device. “Hmm. Well, it has been some days since I checked our shared Discord–I actually get Wi-Fi out here in the afterlife, did you know that? You could have simply had a video call with me!–but if I recall, the Marvel character Moon Knight has been doing rather well for themselves. And I do always enjoy the selfies that occasionally get posted by those ‘Pyra and Mythra’ girls from Xenoblade. They’re both incredibly attractive! Oh, and they are a shockingly functional plural system given their media of origin, I suppose. But by Ra, the tits on them both!”
Gasping for breath as this interviewer’s lungs collapsed, the Herald was able to ask the Pharaoh one final question regarding his Yu-Gi-Oh plural protagonist counterpart, Yuma Tsukumo, and his duel spirit partner, Astral, who have also condemned the Theorist.
“Who? Oh, you mean the Zexal brat! Sorry, I never watched their show.”
This article was originally left unfinished by an unnamed Commander’s Herald writer who has now perished after suffering from “Existing In the Ancient Egyptian Afterlife While Not Being Seto Kaiba” syndrome. I, Red Pixlh3art, have decided to bravely take credit for this article in her stead from the safety of my own apartment.
