Magic Players Furious After Flock Cameras Track Their 0-2 Drops

BROOKLYN, NY- The Magic community is outraged once again, this time in response to revelations that Flock Cameras are tracking and cataloguing players leaving events early because of their piss-poor performance.

Originally designed to track the ex-wives of police officers, Flock Cameras have come under increased scrutiny in recent weeks after a multitude of reports of alleged misuse and privacy violations. Communities around the country have demanded accountability, regulation, or, in a pinch, outright vandalism of the camera systems.

Regulators have moved slowly in response to these demands, as it is super fun to spy on people. Nevertheless, these new accusations may just be the straw that breaks the camera’s back, as the Magic community is not known to forgive or forget.

At one local LGS store, a visibly shaken Dan Johnson agreed to be interviewed about his own appearance in a Flock database. Discovered by an auditor, a folder labeled “Scrubs,” featured videos of Mr. Johnson and dozens of other distraught gamers leaving their stores with nary a prize in hand. 

“Everybody agrees, two losses and you leave! Might be a little lame, sure, but it’s not illegal. I shouldn’t be worried that I’m going to be surveilled for leaving early. Who cares if my next round opponent has to sit and twiddle their thumbs?”

“I care,” replied another patron. “I still 0-2 drop, and feel guilty about it, but guilt is a fact of life. I just don’t want an all-seeing camera to be the one documenting my shame. That’s what my Close Friends is for.”

A third man then chimed in: “And the cameras, they don’t always get it right! Like, I’m on there, but I didn’t even go 0-2! I had an accident. A pants accident. So I went home, as I do when such pants accidents occur.”

He continued, despite this reporter trying to take away the mic: “I thought I was lucky and nobody noticed! But then some jerk with a Flock account posted a TikTok of me waddling out in my browned out slacks to wait for my Uber. Uber Pet… they’re good with pants occurrences.”

At press time, the controversy has indeed added a very vocal chorus to the growing calls for safeguards and better privacy protections, such as deleting footage after 24-hours or immediately if a player says they were just testing a new brew.