Deltarune Fans Furious At WotC’s Constant Spoiler Seasons

[Disclaimer: I’ve played all of Chapter 5, every specific spoiler in this article is a joke. Or maybe not. You’ll never know until you play it yourself.]

Chicago, IL — Following the release of Deltarune Chapter 5, a large contingent of fans disappointed by other fans’ ability to keep their mouths shut have decided to temporarily swap hobbies. “This is getting stupid,” claims Bluesky user RalseiLover09. “This fandom’s been sitting quietly for the last year waiting for more game to come, and they couldn’t wait until I was done with my classes and my evening shift at Jewel-Osco to scream online about the song that plays when Asriel killing Onionsan.” They continue: “Enbys out here can’t catch a break. I wanted to experience Asgore and Rudy’s marriage for myself, damn it. So I decided to check out that card game that my partner got into, and I’m enjoying it so far.” There was a buzzing during our interview, which led them to check their phone. “Blue Chandra? What the fuck?”

“Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Yeah, it’s cool that you don’t have to wait a year for more content, but you’re getting spoiled on stuff before the set even comes out? TWO SETS before it comes out?! BY THE COMPANY THAT MAKES IT?!” RalseiLover continued, “Where’s the mystery? Where’s the intrigue? Where’s the paragraphs upon paragraphs of fan theories? I’ve got a feeling that this Mark guy isn’t as tricky as Toby.”

Streamer and content creator Emily Gaster agreed to an interview with us, having editing her Normal NPC avatar to more resemble Ajani. “So Chapter 5 completely blew the ‘Roaring Knight is actually Noelle from the future sent back in a Time Cop situation’ theory that I’ve been circulating for the last 3 years. Now, while I scramble to fit the pieces of my ‘Susie is half-human and will replace Kris as the human puppet part of the prophecy’ theory together, I gotta find something else to bring in the subs. I’ve been doing some research with some Vorthos compatriots, and I’ve come up with something that’ll blow this all out of the water…”

They hit a transition on their stream, bringing up a large chart mapping out Jace’s family tree. “Alright. I’ve been mapping this out. If you cross-reference what happens during this chapter of the Weatherlight saga with what happens to Teferi during the Planeswalker lore, combined with the leitmotif that was used during this part of the audio reading of Bloomburrow’s story and the song that played in Arena at that time, you can see that Loot has actually been planned from the beginning! It all ties perfectly to…” I interrupted her at this point to mention how Magic has had dozens of different writers over the years because they didn’t really care about consistency, it was all more or less just to get nerds to buy cardboard.

“*GOD

*DAMN IT”