More and More Magic Players Having Nightmares About Forgetting To Study For Strixhaven Prerelease
Boston, MA — Last night, at roughly 4:00 AM, local townie and former Harvardite Mash Hoel was another in a series of locals who had that school nightmare again, but this time about a school they’ve never attended: Strixhaven.
“God, it sucked,” they explained to us. “I was at my FLGS for the prerelease, but when I opened the box, all that was inside was a test! I needed to do advanced differential calculus even though I majored in Shakespearean history. This prerelease counted for 80% of my final grade, and if I didn’t go at least 2-1, I wouldn’t have graduated over 5 years ago! All of that Lampoon hazing would have been a complete waste…”
They weren’t the only players having problems, as former Berkley student Stu Berk reported similar nightmares. “I was fully prepared,” he explained, “I had written down all of the archetypes in my notes and kept track of all the best signpost uncommons to grab. Dozens of dry runs through Draftsim. But when I was ready to build my deck, every pack was filled with pests. Not cards that made pests, not even pest tokens. Literal vampire worms from Arcavios crawled out of my box. I started panicking, and it was that point that I realized that I had forgotten to put on pants that morning and that everyone was laughing at me, even that cute Boros player that I have a crush on. Also my teeth fell out for some reason. Definitely somewhere in the top 10 of my worst experiences playing Magic.”
“Well, I’ve always been more of a Vorthos, so my school nightmares have been a bit more literal,” claimed online commentator JaceDidNothingWrong. “I had burned my way through the leaked manuscript of Omens of Chaos about a dozen times to get ready and make the most lore-accurate deck possible, so my nightmares have gotten real rough. I was being asked to complete a practical exam showing how to summon actual inklings for my Silverquill finals, but all I could manage were the squid children from Nintendo’s Splatoon. Which was fun on its own but not really useful in that situation, y’know? The weird colorshifted Ral Zarek was very disappointed in me until he noticed that some of them were black and white, at which point he let me graduate with honors.”
Mark Rosewater told us that giving people more nightmares wasn’t really their intention. “Obviously we want people to enjoy our sets as much as possible,” he said, and continued: “The only dreams we want players to have regarding this set are of having fun with their friends playing their cards. Although I have it on good authority that a certain subset of our fans are likely to have positive dreams about college professors who are also massive dragons. They’re pretty easy to make happy in our experience.”
