Vengeful St. Patrick Banishes Snake Decks from Boston LGS

BOSTON, MA — St. Patrick’s Day festivities at Murphy’s Game Corner took an unexpected turn for players this year, as they were treated to the sudden arrival of the patron Saint of Ireland. However, the fun quickly turned to terror, as the cleric lived up to legend and banished Snake decks from the store.

From reports of players in the room, the holiday drama began when Sean Murphy (no relation), for a laugh, attempted to pronounce the Phyrexian text on his Vorinclex. As he was a few beers in, Mr. Murphy’s slurred speech stumbled into an ancient Hibernian reanimation ritual and summoned forth the 5th-Century Bishop.

Witnesses describe the saint emerging in their midst “like Arnold in Terminator 2, but he got to keep his clothes. But you could still tell dude was jacked. Probably natty too.” Disoriented and confused, store security tapes show St. Pat in total panic at all the Warhammer 40K stuff, as he began screaming in ancient Gaelic.

Fortunately, Erin Murphy (no relation) was playing nearby. “I picked up a little Gaelic here and there while abroad in Ireland. I was able to say hello and ask him for a pint of Guinness enough times that he calmed down. All the decorative shamrocks around helped too; he was pretty stoked about them.”

However, the good feelings quickly soured as the cleric gazed over the commander pods assembled for the holiday. Nodding in approval to his summoner’s Vorinclex, the cleric’s smile turned upside down upon seeing Kaseto, Lonis, Sivriss, and more snake commanders. Enraged, no snake was spared from the holy wrath that ensued. With a flash of his staff, the saint lifted the pilots out of their seats and cast them from the store upon a rainbow.

Store regular Seamus Murphy (no relation) had this to say about the ordeal. “I figured he was just a dude in a costume until the magic happened. The guy really does hate snakes more than anything!”

After taking a sip of his beer, Seamus continued, “You’d think he’d *hic* have more things to focus on. But credit to him, he was so right when he clocked my buddy’s Xyris deck as a threat. After he rainbowed him out of the store, I didn’t have to worry about getting wheeled into a million effin’ snakes. Thanks, St. Pat!”

Asked for his friend’s perspective, Seamus responded, “I actually haven’t heard from him. I assumed he was waiting in the parking lot. He’s a good sport, so if he has been banished from this isle, we can always play on SpellTable.”

In hopes of better understanding how players can avoid reanimating other Saints, the Herald reached out to Trinity College’s Catholicism-splashing-Paganism department. Chair Dr. Bridget Murphy (no relation) had this to say:

“From my understanding of the situation, a reanimation spell like this would only work on the feast day of St. Patrick. But I would caution your readers. Do not try to replicate it. We are still reeling from a similar situation last June with St. Anthony, brought back to help find some car keys. He’s been radicalizing a sect against Find My iPhone ever since.”

Ultimately, store janitor Patrick Murphy (relation) is relieved to have another St. Patrick’s Day behind him. “In some ways, it was the easiest St. Patrick’s Day we’ve ever had. Didn’t have to clean up much; folks were well-behaved. Wasn’t like last year’s Mono-green for St. Paddy’s Day. That ended in friggin’ chaos. Everyone brought fight decks.”