Local Tundra Becomes Plains After AI Data Center Construction
Mount Pleasant, WI – Confusion and anger plague local residents after “the world’s most powerful” AI datacenter was recently built within the city, which has caused a massive drain on many of the town’s resources.
The need for cooling at the Microsoft’s auspiciously-named Fairwater datacenter has gotten so severe that many local Magic: The Gathering players are complaining that it is even removing blue mana from their cards.
“I got this Tundra years ago for a Vintage deck I was working on”, explained local carpenter Dale Forlani, who was holding what looked to be a Revised Plains. “Now all the value is gone because the water got drained for that damn data center. And this is the story all over the place; these companies making these big buildings that suck all the water and energy out of a place, just so some asshole can make a more-visually-appealing Jibjab or whatever useless shit they make.”
Due to their need to cool down processors so they run well, data centers end up evaporating a lot of the water in the regions where they’re built. Due to the size of this data center, water is being absorbed from other sources, including illustrated cardboard.
“This is beyond the pale,” said another despondent resident, Gail Tychus, who was attempting to make a Simic commander deck. “How am I supposed to have a proper mana base like this? I can’t find an Island to save my life, my Rimewood Falls and Tangled Islets are now useless tapped Forests, and a worthless, dried-up piece of green mana is all that remains of my Tropical Island. They’re taking the water right out of our land, our country, and now our decks. If it wasn’t for the tax incentives given to wealthy people in town that I so desperately want to be, I’d have half a mind to tear that damn data center down.”
While many residents are angry over the building and resource allocation, the town’s more affluent residents are not feeling as much pressure.
“Truly I feel bad for those that can’t play control magic,” said local businessman Grant McHillenbough haughtily. “I personally get my lands shipped directly from TCGPlayer, so I don’t have to worry where my blue mana comes from. That’s what I don’t understand about all these complainers; why can’t they just buy more blue mana themselves? I heard Nestlé has plans to sell Secret Lair-versions of the tapped artifact duals; that should tide some people over for a bit.”
As of press time, AI has flagged this article as being harmful to all who read it and the reporter is being investigated by Pinkertons for an unspecified reason.
