Wizards Announces 1 of 1 Spider-Man Card With Real Radiation
Following up on the success of The One Ring, Wizards of the Coast has decided to introduce another unique 1 of 1 card in the upcoming Spider-Man set. The card, Radioactive Spider, will have a single unique version with real radiation. It’s sure to become another sought-after collector’s item for players and radiation poisoning enthusiasts alike. While some fans complain that such unique cards are a cash grab by the company, others are excited for the chance to open the uniquely carcinogenic card.
Introducing Irradiated Treatment For Cards
Radioactive Spider will introduce a new treatment for Magic: the Gathering cards, appropriately called an irradiated foil treatment. This treatment will coat the card in a thin layer of highly radioactive uranium. The visual effect of this treatment remains to be seen, though officials at Wizards of the Coast have assured fans that it will glow in the dark. Wizards has so far refused to comment on how likely the card will be to grant its buyer superpowers.
Product developer Paul Perkins shared his thoughts on the possibilities created by the new treatment. “It’s exciting territory, and if it goes over well, we’re open to revisiting the treatment in future sets. There’s a lot there for the design team to work with. I mean, wouldn’t rad counters be more fun if they were physically poisoning your opponents? You can’t get that kind of immersion in any other game. Plus, fans will pay out the nose for crap like this.”
Excitement is High For Players and Non-Players Alike
Most fans seem excited about the new chase card. “It’s like playing the lottery,” said longtime player Johnny Johanson. As a gambling addict, pening packs always gives me that little hit of dopamine. But when there’s a chance to hit it big like that? Whoo. What a rush. I must have lost $50,000 opening Lord of the Rings packs when they came out.”
Even some non-players are excited about the card. “I wish to use it as a means of poisoning a certain foreign politician,” said Russian President Vladimir Putin. “He has a history with such children’s toys and would likely accept the card, which could easily be made even more irradiated without notice. His demise would help further destabilize the global political sphere and draw attention away from Russian affairs.” The despot’s interest in the card surprises political experts, given his long-established preference for Yu-Gi-Oh.
Controversy
Of course, not everyone in the Magic: The Gathering community is excited for the one-of-a-kind card. “I think it’s really unethical for Wizards to make a card like this,” claimed Commander player Ramona Robinson. “It’s wildly reckless to make one random card so arbitrarily valuable. It’s really not fair to players who aren’t rich. You just know someone who can afford a Geiger counter is going to be the one to end up with that card. Poor players deserve the chance to open cool cancer-causing cards too.”
Others are upset that the 1 of 1 card is yet another high-dollar Universes Beyond card. Perpetually outraged Magic fan Alan Arthur ranted, “This is just Wizards of the Coast pushing their greedy, IP-based garbage. I didn’t mind so much when it was a fantasy set like Lord of the Rings, but giving fans radiation poisoning doesn’t even feel like Magic. I wish they’d have gone with something more historic, like coating the card in mercury.”
Wizards of the Coast Has High Expectations
“We think the card is going to be a hit,” Johanson told us. “Sure, the cancer thing is a concern, but we did some market research into the tobacco industry. It turns out that if your product is addictive enough, customers won’t let the chance of developing cancer stop them. We’re pretty sure we’ve passed that benchmark with most of our customers.”
The unique card will be released with the upcoming Spider-Man set. It will be available exclusively in the new lead-lined Bourgeois Boosters. The packs are expected to cost $159.99 each.
