cEDH Commander Just a Bunch of Tutors in a Trenchcoat

Naomi Krause • October 13, 2023

cEDH Satire

Kher Keep, WI - cEDH all-star Rograkh, Son of Rohgahh

has been discovered this week to actually be multiple combo piece tutors stacked on top of each other in a large women's overcoat.

The scandal originally broke when an Aven Mindcensor

stood on the Kobold's coattails and sent them tumbling across the command zone. This news came as a shock to many who swear they were using the 0/1 for its keywords and not just a sack of flesh for their Diabolic Intent
s.

Rograkh staunchly and eloquently defended himself when reached for comment, denying accusations of closet tutoring by furiously searching the inside of their coat for a response.

"Mhmm, yes, I am single legendary creature," Rograkh said while stumbling around in comically oversized sleeves. "Am a Goblin with many keyboards, just like Dockside."

The Kobold's frequent partner Silas Renn, Seeker Adept

was devastated by the news.

"You think you know a guy," said Silas while frantically tossing his house for a combo piece on his own. "Worked with him for years and I never even suspected. I figured people partnered us up because they wanted a cheap blocker, not for this sick 'search your library' shit. Who even runs tutors in cEDH? That's like taking more than five damage from Ad Nauseam

, it just doesn't happen."

Dargo, the Shipwrecker

has similarly distanced himself from #Rograkhgate, insisting that players appreciate him for his body.

Naomi Krause

Naomi Krause

Head of the Cephalid Advisory Group, which somehow outlived the Commander one??? follow @naomeatmybutt.bsky.social to see when i put my journalism degree to good use by publishing more card game peepee jokes