When Flavor Text Gets to the Point

Ancient Grudge by Ryan Yee

One of the things that really attract players to Magic: The Gathering is flavor text. 

That little bit of italisized writing at the bottom of the card does a lot of heavy lifting when it comes to worldbuilding and immersion, and throughout Magic's history, we've seen flavor text on 18,290 cards. That's more cards with flavor text than without. 

Often, a card's flavor text consists of a few sentences or a quote to highlight what's going on in the setting, the card's art, or the mechanics of the card itself. And we all have favorites, whether that's one-off puns or quote machines like Ertai or Jaya Ballard. But what if flavor text writers nail it in one?

And I don't mean on the first try; but rather, what if they're able to completely capture the essence of the card in a single word? 

There's plenty of discussion about one-word card names. Despite English being a wonderfully malleable language, there are only so many cards that can have a single name, and whenever one's used, it's gone for good. They're lucky Terror is a perfect name for the card it's on, and for something like Abrade, we at least get to learn something, but there are examples of squandering a great word with a lacklusker card as well. Such is the case with Breach, which as a card isn't exactly fitting for its name.

"Abrade," by the way, means to wear away with friction or erosion; in other words, what sandpaper does. It's the verb form of abrasion. If you're more into learning definitions of interesting or uncommon words as presented on Magic cards, we've got something for that, too.

With flavor text, however, sometimes brevity is the soul of wit, and you can't get briefer than a single, solitary word. Let's take a look at some, starting with a recent example, and assign them an arbitrary score based on a points system that I will make up as we go.

Jump Scare

Our first entry is Jump Scare, from Duskmourn: House of Horror. As you can see, our one word in this instance is "Boo!" 

Does it work?

Well, the card's called "jump scare," and the word "boo" is pretty much the gold standard of frightening utterances outside of the chime your car makes when the check engine light comes on, so yes, it works. "Boo" as a scary word has been around for a long time, in fact, with ghosts in particular using it as a slogan for nearly 200 years (in literature, at least; I've never met a ghost to confirm this myself). 

So it fits with the name of the card, it fits with the art of the upside-down cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller, and it mostly fits with the card itself, as giving a C.H.U.D. flying would certainly be frightening. The only thing that feels weird about "boo" here is that it's on a white card. 

I give it 3 out of 4.

Mwonvuli Ooze

Now we'll head all the way back to Weatherlight for another guttural exclamation. Long-time readers know that I've covered the Ooze in another context before, but try as I might, I just can't get away from it, much like the monkeys in the art. 

So what do we have here? Well, we have "Ewww!" With three Ws, one more than the usual number of Ws in order to convey that the primates featured in Zina Saunders's art are right and truly disgusted by what they're witnessing. And who can blame them? If you were minding your own business in the jungle and before you congeals a living mass of lime jelly, you'd be miffed, at the very least. 

Does it work?

Yes, of course it does. It's the perfect word for the scenario presented by the card. No notes.

I give it 10 out of 10.

Turn to Frog

Turn to Frog comes to us from Magic 2012, and since then has seen reprints in Magic 2015, Magic Origins and Commander 2014. It's one of the most memorable in a long line of blue cards turning humanoids into nonhumanoids, though I personally prefer Ovinize, as with that your victim can at least help you make a sweater afterward. 

Overall there are five printings of Turn to Frog, and all of them have the same art and flavor text. And what is that flavor text, I hear you ask? It's "Ribbit." 

But did you know that by saying "ribbit," we can infer that the frog in the art is actually English-speaking? Only English-speaking frogs say "ribbit," as we see evidenced on the German version of the card:

Our amphibian friends in Bavaria say "Quaaak" for a reason unknown to my monolingual ears. And that's not all. Frogs from around the world all say different things: Italian frogs say "cra-cra," Japanese ones say "kero-kero," and frogs in Poland say "kum-kum." 

Does it work?

Regardless of language, it'd be a lot weirder if it said "Moo."

6 tads out of pole.

Krosan Drover

Moving on to an Elf that loves hanging out with beefy boys, we've got Krosan Drover from Scourge. Strangely never reprinted, this version of the card is all we've got, and before we can think about the flavor text, it'll help if we understand exactly what a "drover" is, and that's any person who moves groups of animals from place to place. Kind of like a shepherd, but not exclusive to sheps. If you're chasing Canada geese off your lawn, technically you could be briefly considered a drover, until they turn around and start chasing you instead. Geese are terrible, is what I'm saying.

Anyway, that little bit of context might help as we consider our one-word flavor text: "Sit."

He isn't yelling the command, but simply stating it in a measured tone. That's the sign of a good drover. Animals pick up on anxiety. It probably helps that the Krosan Drover looks like a weird sapient broccoli man; I'd listen to him too.

Does it work?

It's a little more esoteric in its application here, as not everyone knows what a drover is, and the art could be interpreted as the subject hiding from the big beastie it's actually guiding. A little more information than the single "sit" might have been helpful. Maybe it should have borrowed from Domesticated Hydra?

I'll give it a 2 less to play out of 6 or more mana.

Jinxed Idol

Jinxed Idol, originally from Tempest, saw one reprint in Magic 2011. That in itself isn't very interesting, but it's very relevant to us because on that reprint, they changed the flavor text. The M11 version of the card has -- I hope you're seated when I tell you this -- TEN words. I will present them to you in the order in which they appear:

"Please, honored friend, take it with my compliments. I insist."

This is a devastating violation of trust, and Wizards of the Coast should be ashamed.

Oh, and the Tempest version's flavor text is just "Here."

Does it work?

Absolutely. While the reprint's flavor text raises suspicion with faux etiquette, you're much more apt to accept something when a person hands it to you with a gruff "Here." Think of a time you were walking down the street in a city and you pass a person distributing fliers. If they try to give you a whole spiel about why you should accept their garbage offering, it's easy to say "no" and keep walking. But if they slap it on your chest with a "here," you're going to take it out of pure shock. 

For Jinxed Idol, I score it 5 come see my bands out of 5 garage sales this weekend.

Ray of Command

With Ray of Command, we get another instance of a directive being used as flavor text, similar to Krosan Drover. This one is much more interesting, however. 

First of all, the version of Ray of Command we're seeing here is not the original printing. The version from Mirage is actually the reprint of Ice Age's Ray of Command. That version had different art, and after Mirage they opted again for the original art in Fifth Edition before dropping it entirely (good choice) and sticking with the Mirage art for subsequent printings. Also, that Ice Age printing didn't have flavor text at all, not even a single word. 

In effect, Ray of Command is essentially a blue Threaten, but instead of using intimidation to get what you want, you're using abject dominance. And that comes through in the flavor text: "Heel."

Does it work?

Mostly. If you want to get really pedantic with it, the "heel" command in the context of dog training is to teach the dog to stop beside you. In the art, the commanded creature is behind the subject. Technically, it would get marked down if it were talking the Canine Good Citizen test, so I'll have to mark it down, too.

9 little treaties for a good boy out of 10.

Lava Axe

We can't talk about this subject without mention of the classic example of one-word flavor text. 

Everyone who plays Limited knows Lava Axe, and everyone's both thrown one as well as had to "Catch!" one. 

But did you know that the classic "Catch!" flavor text is not the original? There were actually two tries before they opted for the route of simplicity:

Swing your axe as a broom, to sweep away the foe.

Meant to cut through the body and burn straight to the soul.

Those are from Portal and Portal Second Age, respectively. 

The vast majority of Lava Axe printings feature "Catch!", but there are a few notable examples of when they tried to improve upon perfection. And if I'm being honest, one of them comes close:

The most recent printing, in M19, went back to "Catch!" thankfully.

Does it work?

If you're going to throw an axe at someone, what else could you possibly say? 

Also, in case this needs to be said, please don't throw axes at people. 

"There are only fifty words in the cyclops language, and ten of them mean 'kill.'"--Ertai

These are only a few examples, and there are several more that we simply don't have time to cover, no matter how short they might be on the cards themselves, and as the cards' rules text gets more wordy and complicated, there are really only two solutions: make the flavor text shorter, or make the font so tiny that booster boxes come with magnifying glasses. Admittedly, that last example would have been pretty appropriate for Murders at Karlov Manor. 

Do you have any favorite one-word flavor texts from over the years? Let's hear 'em below.