Using Magic to Survive a Job Interview
Header image: Twisted Justice by Ralph Horsley
"I know just the person for that job"
There are certain things in life that everyone has to deal with at one point or another when they become an adult. Finding a job. Paying taxes. Getting irrationally angry as the way younger generations co-op the fashions of your youth but in a disingenuous, ironic way that feels like a bastardization of the core memories of your teenage life.
But Magic, as a game and as a subculture, has been there, for a lot of us, from the start. A lot of us took cues from the game, for better or worse, to help guide us through all those life milestones. Paying taxes? What does that remind you of
Today, we're going to remind ourselves that, while Magic may be a central part of our lives, it can also be a great touchstone for navigating modern culture and life events. It's true that, anecdotally, I won a vocabulary competition in sixth grade using words like Rancor
We're going to spin the wheel of life events and talk about how to let Magic guide us in that aspect of our existence:
As you can see, we've landed on "Job Interview." That's a pretty good place for us. We've all had to endure the trials and tribulations of getting through that gauntlet of a job interview at one point or another, whether it was for a summer job out of high school or your first crack at a "big boy" job that represents the beginning of a career. And they're never fun, unless you're a psychopath.
There's bound to have been at least one person out there who, in a panic during a particularly stressful job interview, had leaned onto what knowledge they had in the moment to answer a tough question. And out of the 30,000 or so Magic cards out there, and the millions who play the game, there's a real, quantifiable chance that that person quoted some flavor text. Without the help of this article, I shudder to think what quote gurgled up from the dark recesses of their mind in that moment. Imagine your horror when if asked in a job interview what your expected compensation is, you in a panic blurt out "I want a banana this big."
Let's go over some good (and not-so-good) cards to memorize for common job interview questions, because, let's be real, it's way easier for people like us to embed into our minds objectively useless information like Odyssey block flavor text than it is to just prepare for a job interview like a normal person. And this is all assuming that your interviewers have some sort of training or experience conducting a job interview; there's no guarantee that they know what they're doing, either.
Tell Me About Yourself
Most job interviews begin this way. It seems like a casual, icebreaker question, but it's not. It's to see if you're able to talk about yourself in a way that exemplifies your self-awareness and communication skills. Many interviewers will have a good idea whether you're a viable candidate for the job from your answer to this question alone. They're considering a multitude of things while you're rambling along about all the stuff they literally just read on your resume, like the way you talk, whether you might be a good culture fit for their organization, if you can demonstrate that tenuous balance between overconfidence and annoying humility.
Memorize these cards
You want to come off as affable, easy to be around, and motivated by something more than just a paycheck. It's not really about any of that actually being true, but you want make it seem like it's true. Sisay's Ring reminds us to tell interviewers we're pragmatic, while Beast of Burden shows that we're not one to shy away from tough assignments.
Do not memorize these cards
Unless you're applying for a job in manufacturing, yelling a lot probably does more harm than good, contrary to what General Jarkeld said. Although, he is a general, so maybe he knows a thing or two about office harmony.
Really, just don't come off as a weirdo with an axe to grind, secrets that will haunt you, or too-clever-for-your-own-good snark. You're being subjected to snap judgement about who you are as a person, which is awful and it sucks, but for some reason it's still an aspect of job hunting we all must deal with. Remember that playing it too safe and leaving no impression is just as bad as a bad impression.
Why Should We Hire You?
When it comes to this question, the objective is twofold: to get a sense of what sort of unique value you can offer that other applicants cannot, and to determine if you've bothered to do the research into their company and the open role. You want to pepper your response here with self-confidence, blending your experience, education, and personality with the job requirements to showcase how no one else will be able to fill the role quite like you.
Memorize these cards
Knowing how to do the job, and knowing that you know it: that's the name of the game. Don't come off as too arrogant, but you also want to be self-assured, like it's all old hat (even though you and the interviewers probably know you're a panicky wreck just under the surface, hidden by a smile).
Do not memorize these cards
Being punctual is important, and worth mentioning, but if you're going to be late a lot due to recurring nightmares, it's probably best to leave that part out of your answer.
And our two legendary creatures here illustrate two other pitfalls this question can lure you into: Admiral Brass reminds us not to seem like the interviewer/company is lucky that you've deigned to provide your skill to them, while Licia says maybe tap the brakes a bit with the intensity. Your heart might be in the right place, but don't go nuts. Loyalty and lunacy are sometimes on the same spectrum. Find a balance.
What Are Your Strengths?
In some ways, this question is similar to the previous one, but here you'll want to go further into how that trifecta of experience, education, and personality can be harnessed as a tool for the company.
The interviewers are trying to assess your fit with their own internal structure, goals and needs, and if your self-described strengths don't align with that, it doesn't really matter how great you are. They're not going to hire the world's best chef to be an air traffic controller, after all.
Again, this question dovetails with the previous one, in that you really need to do the research into the company and job for which you're applying. Not only so you can craft your answers to fit that open role, but also so you know what you're getting into for yourself.
Again, just keep hammering home that quiet confidence (but don't overdo it!), your ability to clearly communicate ideas, and your self-awareness. All of these questions have individual details that set them apart, but overall, it's all about making sure you're not going to do more harm than good if you're selected for the gig.
Memorize these cards
The best answers to this question tend to be how well you've learned and grown as a person and how highly you value working as a team. No one likes a person who lone wolfs it: for every brooding savant, there are a thousand braggadocios dorks who will dilute the existing team chemistry with their annoying personality. And even if you are a brooding savant, it's impossible to come off that way in a job interview.
You work great as a member of a team, you can be relied on, and you've learned from your past experiences. That's all you have to say.
Do not memorize these cards
What we don't want is to give an answer that seems like we're too cocky, as intimated in Abeyance. Ertai would have probably struggled in a job interview for anything other than Weatherlight wizard, truth be told, and even then, he was basically on probationary status.
And we're reminded by Glittering Wish and Bedlam that we don't want to say our strengths without tempering them with wisdom.
How Have You Solved a Disagreement with a Coworker in the Past?
Even in the most perfectly balanced workplace, tensions are sure to arise, often for the most mundane reasons. Sally ate my lunch. Brad wears too much cologne. Carlos keeps talking over me in meetings. Sari doesn't contribute enough to a group project. Blah, blah.
By asking this question, the interviewer is trying to figure out if you've got what it takes to avoid and deescalate. People are problems, and the best workers are the best problem-solvers. You want to answer with an anecdote that shows you're able to resolve conflicts in a way that does not minimize the other person's experience or feelings; in other words, tell a story of how you reached an outcome that also make your belligerent happy, not just yourself.
Memorize these cards
We want to establish that yes, we have been involved in conflict before. Saying in a job interview that you've never had a disagreement in the workplace is tantamount to lying, even if it's actually true. We've had beef, but how did we squash it? Easy! With words! Even though I suspect the motives behind Calculating Lich's flavor text are a touch manipulative, on face value we can learn a valuable lesson. We want to show that we were able to come to an agreement with our rival that puts us back on the same team, and you'll get bonus points if that agreement instilled in the team added fervor for completing the job at hand.
As for Wave of Reckoning, sharing that your anecdotal disagreement could have been a result of someone's "inner conflict" shows that you're capable of empathy. You want to be thought of as someone who considers other people beyond their words and actions. Sure, Jim showed up to work and immediately started shit with people, but when you asked Jim what was up and if everything was good at home, you got to the core of the issue. That "core" might be that Jim is just a huge asshole, but it shows that you didn't meet aggression with aggression. Remember, avoid and deescalate.
Do not memorize these cards
(or Radha, Heir to Keld
Don't whine about how whoever your version of real-life Garl is was always on your case, and don't share how you prefer to resolve conflict with the threat of violence.
What's Your Ideal Compensation?
Despite what people sometimes assume, interviewers don't ask this question in an effort to try to lowball candidates with insulting offers. Usually.
Really, it's about trying to see if your expectations align with both your value to their organization and their budget for the open position. You want to be realistic, but not too obsequious or inflexible. You want to establish with your answer that you understand your own market value commensurate to experience and education while illustrating what's important to you in your current stage of life. Some people might value a comprehensive benefits package or robust retirement planning over base pay, for example.
Make sure you don't kowtow too much and negotiate with yourself. It's not that you need to be obstinate about this, as Leovold reminds us, but you don't want to undermine yourself, either.
Do not memorize these cards
One thing interviewers will key in on is how aggressive you are when it comes to compensation. Some people enter an interview already prepared to start shit as soon as they hear a number or term they feel is too low. Do not be that person.
Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?
No interviewer wants to be the person who extends an offer to a candidate, only for that candidate to be gone in a year after absorbing any training that job might offer. It's important to be up-front here, if only for a matter of morals. If you see this job as a stepping stone to other opportunities in the future, tell them that.
What you might not realize is those "other opportunities" might exist within their company, and knowing what your personal goals and motives are might help them realize they've got the perfect track for you internally. Also, they'll want to hear that you actually have personal goals and motives, and aren't just applying for the job because you need a job. Even if that's exactly what you're doing.
They might follow up this question with "...and what do you plan to do to reach your goal?" Make sure you're prepared to answer that, too, since it's their way of gauging your ambition and ability to plan for the future. Listen, we're all just floundering here: you, me, these hypothetical interviewers. No one really knows where they'll be in five years. And we all know that we don't know. But having even a sketch of a plan is better than answering this question with a shrug.
Memorize these cards
Vessel of Volatility reminds us to be honest, because we don't know what's going to happen. Acknowledging that is not only allowed but encouraged. But that's just the lead-in to a thought-out answer. Don't stop there. Sure, no one knows what's going to happen, but assume you do know. Or at least, what do you want to happen?
Do not memorize these cards
...unless what you want to have happen is chaos. For some reason job interviewers list "cryptic threats," "hostile machinations", and "bringing about societal downfall" as red flags.
Because sometimes the greatest enemy is paperwork
Hopefully that helps somebody out there. Job interviews are intimidating, and doubly so for any neurodivergent friends out there. Tying helpful strategies to something in which you're comfortable and passionate, like Magic, might be the key to transferring some of that comfort and passion into securing that gig.
Any other flavor text out there that would make great (or terrible) advice in the context of a job interview? Are there any other life events you want to see tackled with Magic? You know where the comments are.
