Panglacial Wurm Just Isn’t The Same After Selvala Stopped Texting
Dominaria — “He’s just been sulking in his iceberg ever since the news broke,” Baru, Wurmspeaker told us. “He’s eaten barely any goblins, ransacked any villages, or fucked up any rules lawyers. So yeah, it should go without saying that I’m worried.”
With the release of HOB, 605.1a of the comprehensive rules will be changed so that abilities that fuck with your library will no longer be considered “mana abilities” and will use the stack correctly, putting an end to over 12 years of that one weirdly specific rules problem that you never personally encountered because you were still learning how to read when Coldsnap came out and nobody runs Panglacial Wurm in commander.
“Frankly, I’m glad that she’s ghosted him,” explained Havenwood Wurm. “Panny and me go way back. We were like two peas in a pod, the two amigos, the two funny members of the Marx brothers. But then that elf came along and suddenly he’s sneaking around in decks of the time being like ‘OOooh, look at me, since we’re making mana, I can’t be reacted to!'” He stopped his rampage to use a dismembered femur to pick a rotten skull out of his teeth before continuing: “Damned downright shameful is what it was. Us big-ass green creatures gotta stick together, we’re supposed to be big bastards who catch the eyes of 12 year-olds who have no sense of strategy and she RUINED it!”
“See? This is why I didn’t want to be associated with him anymore.” We tracked Selvala down to her home plane of Fiora to learn her take on the whole situation, and she was… well, not HAPPY to oblige, per se, but willing to. “What I do is simple. It’s a fun way to get mana and draw cards, but everyone lost their minds the first time someone played me with Pan. ‘Oh boo hoo! Judge, judge! What is to be done about the stack? Why can’t I react?’ God, that’s just the way it always is. Everyone blames the elf just minding her own business when it’s all the damn giant wurm’s fault.”
She turned away and took a sharp breath. “Everyone agreed that it was the smartest move, anyway. Toxic deckbuilding relationships are bad for everyone, so I just listened to my friends and severed. I get that you’re a celeb rag or whatever, but I really want to just focus on myself and my career right now with my new girlfriend Ms. Bumbleflower, So I’d appreciate it if you could respect our privacy.
I’d say he could go spend his time with the guy in the art for Library of Leng, but I know he was texting Opposition Agent behind my back. Whatever, they can go be miserable together for all I care, form a nasty polycule that judges will hate.” She paused for a second, and crossed her arms with a light pout. “I’m sorry, my wolf and moose are trying to get me to be a better person. I wish him well in all of his library fuckery endeavors.”
