Niv-Mizzet Strikes Down Transgender Sports Ban
Ravnica — Earlier today, Living Guildpact Niv-Mizzet made the historic and highly rare decision, even among presumably left-wing politicians, to refuse to ban transgender women from various sporting competitions in Ravnica, leaving the very small and astroturfed anti-transgender lobby in Ravnica (and no one else) both angry and confused.
Niv-Mizzet’s public statement was only a brief aside: “What? Oh, I glanced at that proposal and found it immediately preposterous. I am one of the smartest beings in the Multiverse and I can easily confirm that transgender women pose absolutely no threat to the supposed ‘integrity’ of Ravnican sporting events. There’s thousands of reasons I could list, but I have more pressing concerns. My predecessor just tried to rewrite the entire multiverse last week. I have much bigger problems.”
“‘Bigger problems?'” echoed one member of Ravnicans Against Trans Sporting, aka R.A.T.S., who also belongs to the Azorius guild. “What problem in Ravnica, a city that is inundated with interplanar threats at least twice a month, could possibly be more important than my senseless bigotry?”
Riley Gaines’s number five fan.
“Literally anything else,” says a transgender Ravnican, who we at the Commander’s Herald actually found and interviewed instead of exclusively asking cis people what they think about policies that affect trans people. Eat shit, New York Times. Anyways, Emily, the trans woman we interviewed, continued: “There are so many other problems in Ravnica today. Healthcare, housing, affordability… Ravnica is one of the most expensive cities in the Multiverse. There are so, so many other problems–not to mention the fact that transgender people categorically do not make Ravnican sporting events any less fair! Not only has every single study about it proven that trans women are actually physically weaker than cis women on average, meaning we’d be at a slight disadvantage playing against them, but there’s also the tiny little detail that most sports in Ravnica are dominated by Simic creatures biologically engineered to win at them! How is the ‘inherent male advantage’ that I so allegedly have going to make me better at a sporting event than a fifteen-foot-tall crab monster with four claws?”
The face of purity in sports.
When we made this point to the R.A.T.S. member that we interviewed, she suddenly became unavailable for comment while also writing in her popular blog that she was being “silenced” by the “woke mob.”
Transgender Ravnicans make up a vanishingly small amount of the city’s population–approximately one percent. An even smaller amount of those Ravnicans have the skill, time, and interest to participate in competitive sports of any variety, and even among those people, fewer still are so noteworthy that they perform well enough for this entirely fabricated “fairness” question to have one single shred of merit. Legislation like this is a very obvious attempt to functionally ban transgender people from public life, and Niv-Mizzet has taken the exceedingly rare and genuinely commendable action of holding the line against that senseless bigotry.
Unfortunately, it seems that other left-wing candidates from other planes, like Texas, have not followed in Niv-Mizzet’s example.
