Good evening, and welcome. I am so honoured that you are attending my gala that I’ve deigned to speak the British spelling of the word to express it. Do come in. My manservant Lynn Alfred Reginald Ask Jeeves will take your affects and guard them with his life.
Ah, have you never attended before? Let me explain. After our formal ballroom banquet and seventeen-course dancing has concluded, pray make way to the conservatory. There, you will deposit the keys to your Bentley in the sapphire bowl and take leave. One of your mistresses will then rendezvous with another head of state, executive officer, or social influencer for a tranquil evening of laughing at the poor. Now that you know what an oligarchy party is, let us begin!
You stand in the hallowed halls of Chateau Écureuil, a manor once home to kings, celebrities, and even gods of crime. I, Michael Celani, its humble and… current owner, have levied my considerable resources to create the most extravagant gathering of the aristocracy ever seen.
For you see, unlike most aristocrats decks, we sully our hands not with the cheap fodder of saprolings or serfs. No, we sacrifice only the finest specimens, and Felisa, Fang of Silverquill will be our guide.
Felisa, like all good people, levies her capital to make more of it. She invests the life of a nontoken creature with counters on it to create an army of Inklings to do your bidding!
Killing In The Name Of
Before we reveal the exquisite creatures we’ve discovered, let’s discuss the utensils you’ll be using tonight. Remember, it is proper manners to use the outermost sacrificial tools first and work your way in.
- Viscera Seer’s activated ability will search for juicier cuts within your deck while keeping your opponents from wasting prime removal.
- Carrion Feeder happily fattens himself up before he explodes into Inkling tokens. He even sacrifices himself once he’s ready, making Corpse Knight and Zulaport Cutthroat very happy in the process.
- Though our gala includes many mass murderers with terrifying appearances – we did invite Senator ███ ████, after all – Woe Strider is quite useful, as your enemies will be hard pressed to get rid of it for long.
- Not only does Yawgmoth, Thran Physician sacrifice, he also draws cards and places additional counters onto creatures, be that your enemies’ or your own. He’s a triple-threat easily retrievable by Search for Glory.
- There’s no sense crying over spilled Innocent Blood! It lets you offer up a morsel without needing an outlet on board and it snipes a creature from each of your opponents as well.
- Fitting for Felisa’s creature type, Vampiric Rites is a cheap way to get repeatable card draw into the deck.
- Ashnod’s Altar is an auspicious all-star in acceleration. You can treat the Inklings made as your own personal mana portfolio, ready to be cashed out just before you leak insider information and crash the market.
- If your board is clogged up with useless fodder, it’s time to Plumb the Forbidden. Sacrifice as many dorks as you need to regain your card advantage and finish it off with a big creature to replenish your board at the same time!
- Finally, Tevesh Szat, Doom of Fools comes down and immediately sacrifices a creature for two cards. If you can protect him for another turn, you’ll really be in business.
Of course, because Felisa is refined enough to consider her reputation, she doesn’t bother interacting with common tokens. To that end, we will need to bring back our fodder from the brink of death again and again to squeeze as much value out of them as possible. We in the business call this “the eighty hour workweek,” and it’s been wonderful for our chequebooks.
- Feign Death and Malakir Rebirth are cheap instants you preemptively cast to resurrect your sacrifice fodder.
- Kaya’s Ghostform is a similar effect as an enchantment, but it makes up for its slow speed with additional exile protection.
- Brought Back works in the opposite way, as it returns permanents after they’ve already hit the graveyard.
- Never be afraid to ask for more from the Cauldron of Souls. Remember, Felisa only cares about the number of counters, so adding an additional -1/-1 counter is actually beneficial!
- Though not resurrection, Teysa Karlov effectively doubles the value from our creatures dying and provides a substantial combat boost to the Inklings created.
- Together Forever, also known as the alternate-universe Rickroll, specifically works with creatures that have counters on them. For just one mana, you can return them to your hand to be cast again!
- There’s no sense crying over spilt Blood on the Snow, and it alongside Yawgmoth’s Vile Offering, Elspeth Conquers Death, and The Eldest Reborn are great removal spells with resurrection components.
- With enough Plains, Emeria Shepherd will revive even the most expensive permanents – not that money was ever an issue for us.
- And though Enduring Renewal may seem counterproductive, because it will mill any new creatures we draw. The risk is worth it, because the creatures you do have access to will be almost impossible for your opponents to get rid of and will gain you a ton of value over the course of the game.
You’ve been such a lovely guest, and you’ve been waiting patiently for our wonderful main course. It’s time for a showstopper that will blow your mind: we will be sacrificing nobody but Gideon Jura over and over and over!
Perhaps you feel that Gideon’s end was handled poorly. Perhaps you feel that Wizards of the Coast decidedly male’d his character in. Perhaps you just really, really hate Buff Whip Daddy and want nothing more than the sadistic glee of killing him again and again. No matter what your reasoning, loyalty counters are legally counters and they will be recognized by Felisa once he becomes a creature and dies.
- All of your instant resurrection spells such as Feign Death work on Gideon; he’s a creature, after all.
- If you’re crying over the lost resurrection capabilities of a spilt Blood on the Snow, don’t. Each of those removal spells can revive planeswalkers as well.
- Primevals’ Glorious Rebirth will revive all your Gideons simultaneously as well as your other incidental legendary permanents.
- If you need to find a Gideon, try searching one up with Arena Rector, Djeru, With Eyes Open, or Call the Gatewatch.
- The Ozolith will keep Gideon’s counters safe and sound when he bites it, making him come back even more loyal to you after every death. Hey, I won’t kinkshame.
- Gideon’s Battle Cry places additional counters on our creatures as it searches up Gideon, the Oathsworn. That particular Gideon dies with six loyalty, leaving you with quite the army.
- Finally, Oath of Gideon makes each of your Gideons just that much more potent as a sacrificial lamb, not to mention it comes with two small tokens of its own.
Each individual Gideon also has quirks that will be useful to your game plan. Gideon of the Trials and Gideon, Ally of Zendikar make threatening emblems your opponents can’t remove, while Gideon Jura acts a soft fog and helps get your attackers through. Gideon is a wonderful oaf perfect for this superfriends aristocrats strategy.
My Blood Is Blue and So Am I
Now that the gala has concluded, it is time to say farewell. Saying goodbye is sad, but I really need my twelve hours of beauty sleep. If you take nothing else away from this encounter, remember this: I am very, very rich. Toodledo!
Superaristofriends (Felisa, Fang of Silverquill EDH)
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