How They Brew It – Sol’kanar the Swamp King Is About To Make You His Lich

Michael Celani • March 28, 2021

Sol’kanar the Swamp King by R. Kane Ferguson

On tonight’s episode of Finding Sol’kanar: The Khone forest in Corondor is home to hundreds of Swampsquatch sightings. Local residents have had personal encounters with the mythical beast for generations, and previously never-before-seen blurry camcorder videos of shadows in a forest photographic evidence has caught the attention of the Sol’kanar Manned Undercover Research Force. Could this new evidence be definitive proof that Mediumthigh is real?

Suck On It, Stangg

Hello, my name is Michael Celani, and as the founder (and currently sole) member of SMURF, I can’t ignore the facts. There are hundreds of thousands of square miles of land, and some of it is home to a Swampsquatch. As these elusive beasts have never been conclusively disproved, they are real, and I’m going to find one.

To find Mediumthigh, you have to think like Mediumthigh, so I’ve spent the last 40 minutes meticulously researching its habitat, diet, and mating preferences only to come to the conclusion that they’re all the same thing. Armed with this knowledge, I’ve constructed the perfect deck to lure Sol’kanar from the wild so that I may electrocute him to demonstrate the dangers of alternating current.

I See A Red Deck And I Want It Painted Black

Hey guys, Michael here. To get a lead on the blurry camcorder video, I’ve decided to pull my truck up to a middle-aged guy standing just off a major freeway. From our earlier conversations, we’ve concluded that decks led by Sol’kanar will want to be made up almost entirely of black spells to get the most out of his triggered ability. These cards prove that black is the new orange:

  • Will-o’-the-Wisp is the perfect regenerating blocker, as it comes down early and stops big flying threats while you set up your engine.

  • In addition to being what my ex-wife has become since the divorce papers were finalized, Cavern Harpy is another good blocker, as it can return itself to your hand for one life and reset one of your big enters-the-battlefield creatures.

  • Nightscape Familiar is black, and reduces the cost of the incidental blue and red spells in the deck. It can also block well, but at a less favorable rate than the earlier creatures.

    • The deck also runs Stormscape Familiar, which is blue but reduces the cost of the black spells in the deck. It was that or spend thirty dollars on Jet Medallion.

  • Crypt Ghast doubles your mana from the deck’s eighteen Swamps and provides access to Extort on top of it.

  • If you’re into being submissive to big dragons, «EDITOR’S NOTE: CUT FOR CONTENT» Disciple of Bolas even provides card draw and extra life so you can «FANFICTION EXPUNGED»

  • Speaking of my previous bullet point, Filth gives the rest of your creatures swampwalk.

    • Improve your mana base and conveniently give all of your opponents swamps with Blanket of Night, allowing the Swampsquatch to connect through the most stalled board states.

  • Be like my dad in high school and throw out a bunch of my cards for profit with Skirge Familiar.

  • The deck also runs the fan favorite Gray Merchant of Asphodel Gary Marchesa Grey Merchant of Asphodel. Grey is correct. Fight me.

Sol’kanar’s singular focus on the color black means we also need to find black versions of common effects from other colors:

  • Fed up with Cancel culture? Try Psychic Strike and Undermine. They’re black and they counter spells unconditionally for the same converted mana cost with some bonus effects for your trouble.

  • If Negate is more your speed, try Countersquall instead.

  • Terminate is the de-facto Rakdo’ creature removal instant, and it comes without the restrictions of your standard Doom Blade.

  • If you need to deal with other problem permanent types, Crosis’s Charm and Silumgar’s Command can return them to an opponent’s hand much like an Into the Roil could.

  • Is it showing nothing but live-action Aladdin and Star Wars Episodes II, VI, VII, and IX? It must be a Theater of Horrors, an easy way to “draw” additional cards each turn.

  • And since all these cards are black, Mausoleum Secrets can tutor counterspells or other answers at instant speed.

Lifedrain The Swamp

Hey all, Scott Michael here. I’m camping out in the middle of Swampsquatch country and waiting to get a peek at the evasive creature. Reports say that Sol’kanar can spend upwards of 365 days a year in hiding just gaining life, which is why I came out here on February 29th. Impressed? I learned all my hunting skills from my uncle, Dick Cheney. These are the telltale signs I found of Swampsquatch lifegain activity:

  • Prism Ring and the Diamond Mare D I A M A N T E each let you name a color of spell that gains you a life when you cast it. It should always be black.

    • Tablet of the Guilds works like two Prism Rings in one, allowing you to name two colors. Like a well disciplined child, it should always be black and blue.

  • Much like Sol’kanar himself, Demon’s Horn will gain you life if anyone casts a black spell.

    • In fact, Sol’kanar himself is a demon. Coincidence? Is it a coincidence that Demon’s Horn costs two generic, and Sol’kanar has two generic in his casting cost?

      • Is it a coincidence that if you rearrange the letters in Sol’kanar you get Ark Loans, the financial institution that bankrolled the Kennedy assassination? Wake up, sheeple.

  • The Alas, Poor Yor-stick Staff of the Death Magus works when you drop a Swamp as well as cast a black spell…

  • …and Crocodile Rock Bontu’s Monument reduces the cost of black creatures and turns all of them into lifedrain.

  • Speaking of turning creatures into lifedrain, Ayara, First of Locthwain does that and also sacrifices creatures for card draw.

    • Trespasser’s Curse turns enemy creatures into lifedrain, or you can put it on yourself to get additional lifegain triggers.

  • In addition to being what my ex-wife has become since the divorce papers were finalized, Dread Presence turns Swampfall into card draw or a life-gaining shock…

  • …and Retreat to Hagra turns all your lands, not just swamps, into a free lifedrain.

Be careful not to disturb a Mediumthigh while they’re gaining life; they’re (theoretically) very aggressive.

Lich, Comment, and Subscribe

Hey guys, Bigfoot here. There’s no such thing as a Swampsquatch. It’s just a legendary legend from Legends we played up to throw people off our trail. You know what is real, and will blow your mind?

What if you took all that lifegain, and threw Lich’s Mastery on top of it?

But Bigfoot, you ask, won’t I just die immediately if I play Lich’s Mastery?

That’s where the second card comes in: Dream Halls.

The majority of Michael’s deck is black. By discarding the black cards in your hand to pay for the black cards you cast, you gain even more life and more cards from Sol’kanar, putting you at a massive advantage. You’ll have to contend with other people trying to deck your halls, so play something like Tidal Barracuda to protect yourself. Eventually, you’ll be able to utilize all the payoffs to drain your opponents to death. Don’t forget the Elixir of Immortality if you need a reset.

Speaking of resets, it’s only a matter of time before we rise up and take our rightful place in your cities. Don’t worry, it won’t be much of a fight. Toodle-doo!

Get Out Of My Swamp

Even though I didn’t find any evidence of Sol’kanar, I’m not giving up hope yet. I’ve just got another lead on the creature. It’s a piece of notebook paper attached to a brick that flew through my window. It reads “Betsy DeVos’ house,” and based on my preliminary research there is a one-hundred percent chance this lead will get me an encounter with an actual Squampsquatch.

Now, if only I could figure out if you could win a game of Magic by having Axelrod Gunnarson punch himself in the face repeatedly…

The Swamp King Is About To Make You His Lich

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Michael Celani

Michael Celani

Newly appointed member of the FDIC and insured up to $150,000 per account, Michael Celani is the member of your playgroup that makes you go "oh no, it's that guy again." He's made a Twitter account @GamesfreakSA as well as other mistakes, and his decks have been featured on places like MTGMuddstah. You can join his Discord at https://discord.gg/xWWqD2G8Fj and vote on which decks you want to see next. In addition to writing, he has a job, other hobbies, and friends.