Picture this: you're driving in the city with the top down. The sun is setting, a breeze gently blows past you, and you're late to dinner with the most wonderful person you've ever met. It was only yesterday when you introduced yourself by swing dancing at a local playground. You've never been pushed higher than that night. It must be fate that your paths crossed, but your dreams are abruptly shattered when a giant Hummer swerves in front of you. Its radio blares the most obnoxious song you've ever heard, there's a bumper sticker that reads "I support the Third Amendment," and beneath that hang four separate pairs of truck nuts. Do you get angry? Do you get furious at this insult to your dignity?
If not, then anger management classes might be for you! Road rage is one of the many skills you'll learn on your journey to becoming a more assertive person. Get your degree in a variety of fields, such as: passive-aggressiveness, revenge-seeking, vandalism, owning a knife, veiled threats, flipping people off, different types of batteries, screaming in public, arson, botany, and clogging toilets on purpose. Just call 1-800-ANG-RYYY today!
Don't Get Glad, Get Mad
Good evening, class. My name is Michael Celani, and I'm mad as hell. Has someone ever done something mean, callous, or just plain unfair to you, and you decided to turn the other cheek? Wrong! That just gets you struck twice. To get what you want, you've gotta be like a perfect game of bowling: strike first, and also multiple times after that. Let me show you what I mean:
and are great Partners to head up a deck that's all about Enrage. lets you pay mana to make creatures punch each other, making it a snap to trigger Enrage abilities when your sluggers enter the battlefield. turns those monsters into fearsome attacking threats that your opponents will have to block. With this pair of provocative people in your command zone, you'll always have a way to deal damage, whether it be to friend or foe!
Enrage Against The Machine
Rule number one: when someone hurts you, get back at them. They haven't hurt you yet? They will. Get back at them. You don't even know them, because you just met them when sitting down to play Commander at your local game store? If they really liked you, they would have known you already. Get back at them! These are all the Enrage and Enrage-type cards we're putting in the deck:
- What doesn't kill
and makes them stronger. They're among the best candidates to take multiple hits in a row because their toughness grows with damage as well as their power.
- is similar, but be careful! His effect only works as long as you're currently the monarch.
- affects the rest of the board instead, so if you have a particularly fragile creature, try pumping them up so they can take more punishment each turn.
- If you need extra mana, and have you covered. Try searching out your basics and untapping them on the same turn!
- Alternatively, keep your hand stocked by shooting a a few times.
is a decent, though clunky, way to sink some of that mana you've generated. can make each Saproling punch the Weaver again, so you can generate as many Saprolings as it has health.
- If you're cheeky, slot in an and a way to make the Weaver indestructible. You'll gain infinite life and death triggers!
- A single point of damage, and 's Dragon Spirit will obliterate the vast majority of creatures on the other side of the field. You will have to sacrifice the Spirit once its done its damage, though.
- Other pesky permanents got you down? and help keep your the board clear of threats except for your own.
- Though red has no shortage of effects that rebound damage onto your opponents, is by far the best one. Not only is it indestructible, it also can fight any creature, even ones you control, for more triggers.
- Want to really turn the tide? Cast targeting for a do-it-yourself that leaves behind a ton of tokens!
Step two: always have a backup plan for when your anger gets you into trouble. Sure, you might be able to turn creatures into burn, but what if Halana is indisposed? You'll need other ways to keep the board clear and your minions mad. Luckily, there's plenty of other ways to deal direct damage:
- is a backup , but you don't have to pay to get the effect. If your creatures can't survive more hits, point it at an enemy's face.
- 's activated ability pushed a creature you control into a fight, and it doesn't even have to be with an opponent. Try untapping the Tracker again and again by having take part!
- is a strange creature with an ability that redirects its opponent-destined combat damage to a creature instead. It also has Shadow, rendering it practically unblockable, so it's safe to swing out and bolt something each turn.
- is a flexible and cheap sorcery that is either a bolt or a . is a bit quicker, but can't deal with enchantments, and drops the effect completely for a -type cycle instead.
for one usually seems like a dud, but in this deck it safely pings all your Enrage creatures while knocking out a problem artifact or enchantment. You can always play it as an actual board wipe if you need to.
- fills a similar niche, but having it around to ping every turn makes all the difference.
- replaces here, because its Aftermath ability can deal a ton of damage. Don't worry too much about overdamaging your own creatures: there's a solution for that coming up.
Point C: anyone can get upset, or feisty, or goaded. But simply hitting your own creatures for Enrage effects? What's the point? Why not simply go all in oneffects? This deck is so straight and narrow, you think, I'm surprised it's allowed during the month of June. Well, it's time to blow your mind.
Let's go manage our anger:
With the suite of en-Kor creatures from Stronghold and Time Spiral, you can spread the damage from's triggered ability around. Got three damage coming in from ? Point it at and activate its ability three times to ping the Aegisaur, your , and your . Got a in hand, but really need a card? Send some of that damage towards and the rest towards . They can even point their own damage at themselves to trigger a bunch of effects at once when they enter the battlefield!
is notable in that it can redirect damage to any creature, from any source, onto itself, meaning you can even take the damage from a combat that doesn't even involve you and twist it to your advantage.
But the synergies don't stop there.
The en-Kors are especially adept at carrying. Since they're basically immune to combat damage, as they can redirect it all away, your opponents will scramble to throw creatures under the bus while you're left without a scratch. Speaking of combat damage, they also make great blockers when is in play: you can block a big first-striking trampling Voltron commander with your , assign all the damage (even the damage that would trample through) to it, and then push it onto your tapped .
is an obvious choice as well, considering all of their abilities have the elusive . You can easily kill someone this way with or put yourself out of reach by casting .
(It's worth noting thatalso combos with , even though it doesn't look that way at all in its only paper printing. Read the Oracle text out loud to players when you play the Guerrillas so that you don't have to manage their anger, too.)
For an incredibly spicy way to close out a game, cast aand enchant an en-Kor with . Now, you have an infinitely repeatable way to ping any of your creatures. When you activate the first ability, you'll take one damage, but the next time you would take one damage it's redirected somewhere else instead. If your Enrage creatures are indestructible, that's infinite rage right there!
(and its sister effects in and are also great on .)
Finally, for one last burst of value, consider swinging an en-Kor ifis on the field. Not only does Grothama represent a 10-damage spike to an enemy creature, when an en-Kor fights Grothama, you can simply redirect all of Grothama's damage back to it. It'll take ten damage plus however much the en-Kor dealt, meaning you're often drawing twelve cards or more for five mana. Move over, !
What a wonderful first lesson in anger management! Remember everything I've taught you today, and don't forget to do this week's homework! I want to see at least one burning building by 9 AM next Thursday, where we'll learn our next lesson: how to lob bricks at lawyers. Class dismissed!
Anger Management (Bruse Tarl & Halana EDH)
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