How They Brew It - Anger Management

Halana, Kessig Ranger

| Illustrated by Zoltan Boros

^{Picture this: you're driving in the city with the top down. The sun is setting, a breeze gently blows past you, and you're late to dinner with the most wonderful person you've ever met. It was only yesterday when you introduced yourself by swing dancing at a local playground. You've never been pushed higher than that night. It must be fate that your paths crossed, but your dreams are abruptly shattered when a giant Hummer swerves in front of you. Its radio blares the most obnoxious song you've ever heard, there's a bumper sticker that reads "I support the Third Amendment," and beneath that hang four separate pairs of truck nuts. Do you get angry? Do you get furious at this insult to your dignity?}

^{If not, then anger management classes might be for you! Road rage is one of the many skills you'll learn on your journey to becoming a more assertive person. Get your degree in a variety of fields, such as: passive-aggressiveness, revenge-seeking, vandalism, owning a knife, veiled threats, flipping people off, different types of batteries, screaming in public, arson, botany, and clogging toilets on purpose. Just call 1-800-ANG-RYYY today!}

Don't Get Glad, Get Mad

Good evening, class. My name is Michael Celani, and I'm mad as hell. Has someone ever done something mean, callous, or just plain unfair to you, and you decided to turn the other cheek? Wrong! That just gets you struck twice. To get what you want, you've gotta be like a perfect game of bowling: strike first, and also multiple times after that. Let me show you what I mean:

Bruse

Enrage Against The Machine

Rule number one: when someone hurts you, get back at them. They haven't hurt you yet? They will. Get back at them. You don't even know them, because you just met them when sitting down to play Commander at your local game store? If they really liked you, they would have known you already. Get back at them! These are all the Enrage and Enrage-type cards we're putting in the deck:

• What doesn't kill Hungering Hydra
  and Siegehorn Ceratops
  makes them stronger. They're among the best candidates to take multiple hits in a row because their toughness grows with damage as well as their power.
  • Jared Carthalion, True Heir
    is similar, but be careful! His effect only works as long as you're currently the monarch.
  • Bellowing Aegisaur
    affects the rest of the board instead, so if you have a particularly fragile creature, try pumping them up so they can take more punishment each turn.
• If you need extra mana, Ranging Raptors
  and Cacophodon
  have you covered. Try searching out your basics and untapping them on the same turn!
• Alternatively, keep your hand stocked by shooting a Ripjaw Raptor
  a few times.
• Sporeweb Weaver
  is a decent, though clunky, way to sink some of that mana you've generated. Halana
  can make each Saproling punch the Weaver again, so you can generate as many Saprolings as it has health.
  • If you're cheeky, slot in an Ashnod's Altar
    and a way to make the Weaver indestructible. You'll gain infinite life and death triggers!
• A single point of damage, and Vrondiss, Rage of Ancients
  's Dragon Spirit will obliterate the vast majority of creatures on the other side of the field. You will have to sacrifice the Spirit once its done its damage, though.
• Other pesky permanents got you down? Trapjaw Tyrant
  and Silverclad Ferocidons
  help keep your the board clear of threats except for your own.
• Though red has no shortage of effects that rebound damage onto your opponents, Brash Taunter
  is by far the best one. Not only is it indestructible, it also can fight any creature, even ones you control, for more triggers.
• Want to really turn the tide? Cast Martyrdom
  targeting Polyraptor
  for a do-it-yourself Apex Altisaur
  that leaves behind a ton of tokens!

Getting Heated

Step two: always have a backup plan for when your anger gets you into trouble. Sure, you might be able to turn creatures into burn, but what if Halana is indisposed? You'll need other ways to keep the board clear and your minions mad. Luckily, there's plenty of other ways to deal direct damage:

• Warstorm Surge
  is a backup Halana
  , but you don't have to pay to get the effect. If your creatures can't survive more hits, point it at an enemy's face.
• Ulvenwald Tracker
  's activated ability pushed a creature you control into a fight, and it doesn't even have to be with an opponent. Try untapping the Tracker again and again by having Cacophodon
  take part!
• Soltari Guerrillas
  is a strange creature with an ability that redirects its opponent-destined combat damage to a creature instead. It also has Shadow, rendering it practically unblockable, so it's safe to swing out and bolt something each turn.
• Rip Apart
  is a flexible and cheap sorcery that is either a bolt or a Disenchant
  . Abrade
  is a bit quicker, but can't deal with enchantments, and Cathartic Pyre
  drops the effect completely for a Faithless Looting
  -type cycle instead.
• Klauth's Will
  for one usually seems like a dud, but in this deck it safely pings all your Enrage creatures while knocking out a problem artifact or enchantment. You can always play it as an actual board wipe if you need to.
  • Pyrohemia
    fills a similar niche, but having it around to ping every turn makes all the difference.
• Road // Ruin
  replaces Cultivate
  here, because its Aftermath ability can deal a ton of damage. Don't worry too much about overdamaging your own creatures: there's a solution for that coming up.

En-Kor Performance

Point C: anyone can get upset, or feisty, or goaded. But simply hitting your own creatures for Enrage effects? What's the point? Why not simply go all in on Pyrohemia

Let's go manage our anger:

With the suite of en-Kor creatures from Stronghold and Time Spiral, you can spread the damage from Halana, Kessig Ranger

Shaman en-Kor

But the synergies don't stop there.

The en-Kors are especially adept at carrying Quietus Spike

Crackdown Construct

(It's worth noting that Crackdown Construct

For an incredibly spicy way to close out a game, cast a Burning-Tree Shaman

(Pariah

Finally, for one last burst of value, consider swinging an en-Kor if Grothama, All-Devouring

Calming Down

What a wonderful first lesson in anger management! Remember everything I've taught you today, and don't forget to do this week's homework! I want to see at least one burning building by 9 AM next Thursday, where we'll learn our next lesson: how to lob bricks at lawyers. Class dismissed!

View this decklist on Moxfield