Echoverse Counterparts: “We Do In Fact Suffer”

Hexhaven Academy Tower — Recently, “The Theorist,” Jace Beleren, made the somewhat dubious claim that he has created, or is intending to create, a Multiverse without suffering. Given the extremely impressive nature of that claim–so much so that it is one that many are struggling to believe–we at the Commander’s Herald are demonstrating significantly more journalistic integrity than most mainstream media and are in fact investigating a white man’s claims rather than just parroting them with full credulity.

So, we set out to the Multiverse without suffering and tried to find some suffering.

“Hello! I like to cause suffering,” said Avacyn, Angel of Horror. “I am a creature of terror and dread. I subjugate the humans of Echoed Innistrad and force them to do naught but worship me. I have terrifying black wings and I also wield a scythe. Sorry–you say that I was created by one man as an ‘echo’ of an actually righteous and good angel who was literally unmade a long time ago? And he claims that this Multiverse has no suffering? That doesn’t make any sense. I’m from there and causing suffering is my favorite thing!”

Not everyone shares Avacyn’s views, however, as we took an Omenpath (weird that this Multiverse has Omenpaths but doesn’t have the Phyrexians whose invasion unintentionally created them, but whatever) to Echoed Avishkar, whose iron-fisted ruler had another take.

“I am entirely opposed to suffering and am making absolutely certain that there is none of it, by force,” said Saheeli, Consul of Oversight. “Avishkar is a place that is free in the other Multiverse? That’s ridiculous, our Avishkar is also free. The people are free to obey our extremely strict laws and may not deviate from them for one single instant, or I will use my highly oppressive automated army of thopters to crush them without mercy. My flavor text literally reads, ‘A creative mind is a dangerous thing.’ I have no idea why anyone could possibly think our Multiverse has any suffering.”

We then showed her a photo of her echoed counterpart, laughing and kissing her girlfriend Huatli while surrounded by the jungle paradise of Ixalan, and the obviously fascist dictator had such a profoundly aching thousand-yard stare that we quietly ran away before she could arrest us for being happier than she clearly is.

Our random Omenpath took us to Amonkhet, which was almost entirely caked over with ice. 

“Halt! Who dares set foot in my domain?” called Samut, Tyrant of Naktamun. The Echoverse counterpart of a noble red-mana warrior, she too seems to have Echoed into a tyrannical blue-mana wizard. Which sure seems to be a theme!

After explaining to Samut that we are a humble group of interviewers for an interplanar newspaper, she very reluctantly took our interview. Most likely out of sheer boredom, because she stands around all day surrounded by frozen statues of the former residents of Naktamun. It’s unclear if it’s just an ice thing or also a time thing, but Samut herself was unlikely to explain that to us.

“I am a literal, self-avowed tyrant, yes,” said Samut. “My whole thing is that I go to a place and freeze everything there forever. I’m not certain that it counts as suffering, because from their perspective, they’re not moving at all.”

We looked to the frozen, horrified eyes of one of the innocent people caught in Samut’s magic, mouth open mid-scream, and decided not to comment.

“Would you also like to meet Hapatra, the Desert Frost?” asked Samut, when we’d been quiet for a little too long. “She also likes freezing things in Amonkhet. I could introduce you. She’s also a tyrannical blue wizard here in Echoed Amonkhet. Funny coincidence, huh? I’m sure it says nothing at all about the man who made us.”

Neither wishing to meet Hapatra nor comment on whether or not Jace Beleren can truly be referred to as a “man” at this point in time, we quietly thanked Samut and headed back to Hexhaven Academy to prepare for our journey home.

There, we encountered a tired and harried-looking Jace Beleren.

“Huh? Who’re you?” said Jace, rubbing their eyes with fatigue. “I… look, I’ve got a lot of shit going on, so whoever you are, if you could just, like, leave, or just try and fail to attack me so I can get on with my day…”

“JACE BELEREN!” roared a man from just outside the room. “I’VE COME FOR YOUR HEAD!”

Jace just groaned. “Not this guy again. Sorry, one second.”

The one who burst through the door was none other than Jiang Yanggu, eyes filled with murder and the place at his side suspiciously empty of his usual beloved companion, Mowu.

“WHERE IS HE?” roared Jiang. “Where’s my fucking dog, Beleren?”

“You don’t remember that that’s my fault and you’re gonna leave,” said Jace, annoyed, and Jiang droningly repeated this phrase from his perspective and turned away to leave.

We looked to Jace and asked the obvious question with a simple look. She is a telepath, after all.

“Ugh, I dunno what happened to his dog,” Jace said, “the magic doesn’t work that directly. I’m not making individual choices about everybody–only my ex-girlfriends, like Vraska and Liliana. I did make those two on purpose, I’ll admit that. Chandra too. But a lot of the rest of it didn’t have that much oversight, okay? Have you tried making an entire fucking Multiverse? It’s really hard!”

She sighed, then looked at us in confusion.

“Hey, wait, why does your internal monologue call me a girl?”

That was all the time we had with Miss Beleren, but we’re sure she’ll be fine and figure out how to remove all the suffering from her Multiverse before a giant spaghetti monster eats it.

“Hey, wait!” she called after us. “What do you mean a giant spaghetti monster–I just sent Tam to Innistrad! She’s–oh, shit, am I a girl?”