Report: eBay Asks GameStop if TCGPlayer Can Be Exchanged for Store Credit

GRAPEVINE, TX — Over the past few weeks, chatter has grown around a potential buyout of eBay by GameStop.  However, thanks to some internal leaks and small bribes to underpaid interns, the Commander’s Herald has come to learn the discussions are much further along, with eBay looking to unload its stake in TCGPlayer, and it may be looking at more creative options than a leveraged buyout to push it through.

“When we picked up TCGPlayer back in 2022, we knew trading cards were the hot new market,” writes eBay CEO Jamie Iannone in a letter to internal shareholders. “We had our run with it, got to open our own warehouse,  started a speculative bubble. Well, that bubble is collapsing fast, and GameStop already has experience dealing with collapsing bubbles since its meme-stock days, so we figure it’s best to trade the old TCGPlayer in and see if we can at least get some store credit out of it.”

“The plan from a business prospective is straightforward. eBay went through and had all the fun they could from owning and maintaining a specialty subsidiary,” says industry analyst Goddard Willemse. “What they’re hoping to do is have a less fortunate venture capitalist with more limited finances take the company. Give the little guy a chance to toy with the careers of a few hundred live humans. I hear Salt Lake City is great for unnecessary relocations.”

GameStop, the games-adjacent pawn store chain prominent in the strip malls of the suburban US, has reportedly shown interest in the deal, but the sides haven’t come to an agreement on a price. “There’s some concern about what condition the company is in when you trade it in,” Willemse tells our reporters. “You can see the Labor Relations module has some wear after switching headquarters several times, and the Fair Union Representation drive looks like it was ripped out a while ago. Besides, it’s outdated now that all the big streamers are using Mana Pool. If I were GameStop, I wouldn’t offer more than $20 and a 6 Month membership to GameStop Pro.”

Representatives for GameStop, eBay, and TCGPlayer have declined to comment about any potential acquisition. When asked why a corporation would trade in one of its branches for something as asinine as store credit, one unnamed source at eBay has offered a bit of clarity. “GTA6 is coming soon, so the higher ups at the company are looking to pick up PlayStation 5s. It seems like overkill on the surface, but have you seen what those PlayStations are going for on eBay?!”