Dalai Lama Reveals Forever DMs are Being Punished for Past Life Transgressions
The spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism has weighed in on one of life’s most important theological questions: why are some people trapped as forever Dungeon Masters? While the majority of TTRPG fans spend their time making characters and playing fun, imaginative games, “forever DMs” are cursed to run the games. Religious leaders and theologians have offered various perspectives on the issue, but until now, it was unclear exactly how this condition fit into the Buddhist faith.
The Dalai Lama’s Statement on DMs
Making a special announcement, the Dalai Lama reached his conclusion after years of meditation and spiritual consideration. “It has become clear to me that those who suffer as permanent Dungeon Masters must be atoning for transgressions in a past life,” the renowned spiritual leader declared. “They have been born into lives filled with endless map-making and NPC building as part of their karmic journey. The only possible explanation for such a fate is karmic imbalance. They must have been min-maxers or spotlight hogs in past lives.”
While some have viewed this as a condemnation of forever DMs, the Dalai Lama expressed empathy, saying, “By continuing to serve fellow players, the Dungeon Master can find karmic balance. They are cursed to suffer in this life, endlessly hearing players turn beloved town names into innuendos. Killing your beloved NPCs on a whim. Talking over carefully crafted villain monologues. However, through hard work and dedication can earn them a life as someone who actually gets to play the game when they are reincarnated.”
Guidance for Those Trapped in Life of DM
“Suffering doesn’t come from dealing with players, but from the desire to actually enjoy your hobby,” The Dalai Lama advised Forever DMs. “Endlessly pursuing the life of a player by trying to convince your friend it’s fun to run a campaign will not lead to enlightenment. Nor will loaning them a modual, only for it to sit unread for months. True enlightenment comes from accepting that you don’t have a hobby, but an unpaid second job. Only by accepting this fate can the DM hope to escape suffering.”
Other Religious Leaders Share Their Views
The Dalai Lama’s statement has prompted other religious leaders to speak out as well. Pope Leo XIV issued his own brief statement, clarifying the Catholic Church’s position. “Those born into a life of game management are not being punished for their sins,” The Most Holy Father said. “Worldly suffering is part of God’s plan. By confessing every sin, from fudging dice rolls to stealing plot points from obscure PS1 JRPGs, a DM can look forward to an afterlife of playing campaigns. There are no all-night prep sessions in Heaven.”
“The Master of Dungeons is a pathetic and sniveling creature,” Tiglarth, High Priestess of Tiamatt, announced on behalf of her many headed goddess. “They deserve to languish in eternal torment. A fitting punishment for those who lack the conviction to bend others to their will. There is no redemption for such worms. Only suffering.”
The Chinese Government Disputes The Dalai Lama’s Claim
An official representing the People’s Republic of China has disputed the Dalai Lama’s position. “It is not a punishment to be given a lifetime appointment as Dungeon Master,” said Xiang Yi, China’s Head of RPG Affairs. “The PRC has already determined that the Dalai Lama himself will be reincarnated as a permanent DM. One who lets us play whatever homebrew classes we want and doesn’t hassle us about alignment shifts.”
While the rest of the world mulls his words over, The Dalai Lama himself has moved on to pondering other important spiritual questions. He was last seen questioning if the Pauper format truly reduces the suffering of impoverished Magic players.
