Hollywood, CA - Prolific director and Academy Award-winner Christopher Nolan announced today that the follow-up to his recently-acclaimed film Oppenheimer will be a movie explaining the differences between Magic: The Gathering sealed products.
The film, titled Collation, will be the first completed collaboration between Nolan and gaming company Hasbro after a failed attempt to make a Betrayal at House on The Hill movie.
"I wanted to tackle a real challenge after Oppenheimer," said Nolan while thrilling but overly-loud orchestral music played behind him. "Fans of my work know I like dealing with mind-bending topics like space travel in Interstellar and time travel in Tenet. There aren't many things around today that are as confusing as the various new MTG products frequently being released, so it's the perfect topic for me to examine."
Collation plans to examine complicated human emotions, create mind-blowing visuals, and explain why there are $30 products that just contain one booster pack.
"I understand the difficulty of the task I'm undertaking," explained Nolan, "but I am willing to do a lot to make this film possible. Against people's advice I grew an entire field of corn just for the farm scenes in Interstellar, then went on to sell that corn and make a profit; I can make the difficult possible. It has taken some time, but I feel the world needs to know where the full-art cards they desire can be found."
This will be the first major motion picture in years to include this much Magic content, according to Wizards of The Coast spokesperson Trent Crosby.
"We had a lot of fun making cards for The Sorcerer's Apprentice back in 2010," said Crosby, "and over the years we've announced and then done nothing with various television shows and films. These projects have fizzled out for many reasons and we lost hope that we'd ever make a motion picture, until Christopher got in contact with us. This is by far the most impressive feature to come across our desks, and we are pleased to have someone like Mr. Nolan willing to make a film explaining something we aren't willing to alleviate or fix in any way."
A teaser for Collation has been released, showing a confused Tom Hardy looking back and forth between boxes labeled March of The Machine and March of The Machine: The Aftermath.