Car Stolen From Box of Magic Cards

Naomi Krause • January 19, 2024

LOS GATOS, CA - Panic erupted amongst hobbyists this week after an exceedingly rare 1977 White Z-Whiz Hotwheels was purloined from atop an unproxied vintage cube. 

The $3000 gem of Japanese imports was pilfered from right under owner Andrew Scruntz's nose.

"People always tell me to never leave cars out in the open where anyone can see them." said Scruntz. "I just never thought it'd happen to me. Just goes to show that you can't trust anyone you don't know with unsupervised access to your valuables."

Experts have warned that petty theft auto is on the rise in the trading car game community as players foolhardedly leave their collections out in the open in those white boxes everyone has. Detective Elbert Jeremiah has been assigned to the case and is optimistic about its outcome.

"Usually with big ticket items like this, there's a trail to follow." began Jeremiah while successfully dusting a Chrome Mox for fingerprints,. "The victim posts some shit on reddit with too many details, the thief adjusts how they're selling based on the victim's details, people call the victim an idiot for posting details. It's mostly a bunch of boring internet circlejerking that helps no one unless the thief is a complete moron, which is only true about 85% of the time."

Thankfully the Hotwheels subreddit was empathetic and level headed in their replies to Scruntz's anguished cry for help.

Hahahahaha oh my god can you imagine? No, they gathered like a grudgeful gaggle of geese and unleashed a chorus of honking "NEVER LEAVE YOUR CAR IN YOUR CARDS DUMBASS" and "Why would you even bring your fancy cars to the car convention?" comments. Clearly this person out thousands of dollars hasn't learned their lesson and would've avoided their mistakes enitrely if tweedybirdsux had only left a few more messages.

once i played magic at a friend's apartment and this dude stacked all of his lands on top of each other in a pile, so i attacked with my 1/1 into a creature land i literally couldn't see. afterwards i became violently ill from sharing a bag of chips with him. wash your fucking hands people.