Am I The Bolas? - Worst Fears, Realized

Mike Carrozza • December 18, 2024

Opinion
Worst Fears
 Illustrated by Eric Deschamps

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com! You might see your story in the column. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast? 

THIS PODCAST!

I'm Mike Carrozza, aka Mark Carbonza, and hey wait, is this Magic's Santa???

Faerie Reindeer???

This week, a chat about a signature card that others hate. But before that...

I'm coming to Chicago! I've been selected to be a featured creator at MagicCon Chicago!

If you get your badges for the Con here, you'd be helping me out!

That means that I will be at MagicCon Chicago hanging out and playing games. I'm there to meet anybody and everybody who wants to meet me and sling some cardboard. I don't know what decks I'll be bringing, but if there are any you'd like me to bring, I'm open to suggestions! I'll also be in Chicago early and a little later than the Con so I can perform stand-up comedy at various spots around town. Chicago is an incredible comedy city. It's my favorite place to perform. Come out to a show, come hang at the Con: I can't wait to meet all of you.

Anyway, let's get back to what you're really here for.

HEY, MIKE/MARK!

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and then some.)

Hi!

I have a good friend that I used to play with regularly. I've started getting more into competitive 60-card formats, so we don't play as often anymore, but now I'm wondering if this event contributed to it, too.

One of my friend's favorite cards is Worst Fears

, and when he first builds a deck (that always includes black), he cares nothing for power level and just puts in his favorite cards, and Worst Fears
 is almost always included, and every time he does, it ends with a very, very salty scoop.

One morning at our LGS, he and I were playing with a couple of strangers, one with a Wyleth Voltron deck. The other had a Brash Taunter

out while Wyleth, Soul of Steel
 was pulling away with the game. My friend cast Worst Fears
 on Wyleth and agrees with Brash Taunter
 to attack him and redirect the damage back to Wyleth's face. Before attacks, my friend did everything he could to empty Wyleth's hand of useful cards, sacrifice permanents, and overall leave him with as little as possible.

When it comes to combat, friend swings at Taunter, as agreed. However, contrary to the agreement, Taunter directs the damage at my friend, killing him. My friend, quietly fuming, gets up, gathers his stuff, and walks away. Taunter admitted that he didn't have a way to deal with Wyleth, but he just thought Worst Fears

was a jerk move and it wasn't fair. He was just repaying in kind.

Prior to this game, we had had a couple conversations about manners in Magic and cards and plays that are legal, but not necessarily good manners. His general attitude has been, "I understand, but I don't agree. People need to get over themselves, it's just a game," and he repeated that sentiment in our conversation after this game.

Fast forward to the present. He texted me, saying something to the effect of, "I can't believe he did that." I texted him back, agreeing with Taunter. Worst Fears

is (in my opinion) a jerk card, and while it maybe wasn't cool that Taunter lied, it's a legal play. I told him that if he wants other people to be okay with him breaking social rules (like playing cards that people usually hate), then he has to be okay with people breaking social rules (like lying) with him. He was still quite upset, and I was quite upset with him for not conceding that he shouldn't play cards like Worst Fears.

Afterwards, we talked a bit more, apologized for getting heated, and agreed to let it go. We don't have any hard feelings between us now, and it's not something that comes to mind often, but every now and then I wonder what the right move was. He hasn't stopped playing Worst Fears

and has told me many a story about controlling the most powerful opponent's turn and essentially taking them out of the game. They almost always scoop very saltily, and the remaining opponents have varied reactions.

So, who's the Bolas? Is it my friend, for continuing to play cards like Worst Fears

that the target always hates? Is it me, for pushing back against his "chill out" attitude? Or is it Taunter, for lying about who he was going to target?

Thanks for your help!

Pizzaman Stan

HOWDY, PIZZAMAN STAN!

Thank you for writing in and asking me to weigh in on your story. As I mention every week, if folks don't write to me, there's no column, so if you, the reader, want to send me a story, whether it's your own or one from Reddit or a friend's, please send it to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here.

This is one of my favorite entries of the year, and I think it makes sense to have saved it for right before holiday season. The truth is that I don't have any idea where I land on this. I've had this email staring at me since October 9th. Wondering how I'm going to tackle it, I just waffled every single time.

And therein lies the beauty of this column, the submissions it gets, and Commander as a format. To quote a friend, "context matters" and while you've given me some context for this story, the broader bit about this submission that has me hooked is this: Worst Fears

is your friend's pet card and it's included in any deck he builds with black. 

As far as the story goes, the Brash Taunter

controller is the Bolas fore going back on a deal. That's something we've covered before. Also, I agree with your friend that it's just a game, to an extent. Having that mentality is what helps to shake off a particularly frustrating game, whether you've won or lost. However, Magic is more than a game to me. It's a job, it's given me friends I'd never have made without it, and it's essentially my only real dedicated hobby. Tell me, the concept of the color pie hasn't affected how you've done creative work or analyzed things and I'll tell you that's very unlikely. Magic has gotten to be much bigger than just a game for some people and to be so flippant about that is disrespectful and frustrating.

Yet, he's right! According to Mark Rosewater, the majority of Magic players treat it as just a game. That sentiment does kind of go up in smoke when you consider that the LGS is the middle ground between casual and enfranchised. If people show up to play at an LGS, it's safe to say that it's become a little more than "just a game" to them. Anyway, I agree and disagree with your friend, but ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, he's right. Magic is a game. Games make us feel things, and sometimes that's frustration. 

Anyway, in the context of a new pod, Worst Fears

is a card I'd opt to disclose. It seems like someone who has such an affinity for a card like this that they include it everywhere would have to also know how to set themselves up for it and prioritize it. If I'm building a deck with such a card, it's in my considerations from the start. It's also not a card people think of when you talk about a playstyle or shell. When I say Aristocrats, I'm sure people think Zulaport Cutthroat
 and my sweet baby Phyrexian Altar
. But where does Worst Fears
 fall? 

Worst Fears

definitely hits a high mark that cards like Expropriate
 are capable of. It's a groaner of a card that people see and go "No way. That's real?" It's a messed-up card that anybody on the receiving end would shake their fist at. It's also perfect in a deck like Zevlor, Elturel Exile
.

That's where this whole thing crumbles. While I wouldn't necessarily assume that every Zevlor deck is running it - because not every Zevlor pilot is a monster - I wouldn't bat an eye at its inclusion. I'd even consider the card fair play in a deck like that. 

The issue becomes that if you begin to put this kind of salt-inducing card in decks that absolutely do not call for it and you don't disclose it, you'll ruffle a bunch of feathers. Ayara, First of Locthwain

decks could run Worst Fears
, but then I have to wonder why! Why would you run something that like in the story would draw so much hate? Immediately an enemy at the table!

Then there's this little bit: Worst Fears

is a one-time Mindslaver
, which is a famously miserable yet easily recurred artifact that does the same thing. With Mindslaver
, there's the threat of it happening again. But with Worst Fears
, it's a one-time "screw-you-in-particular" card that goes away once it resolves. It's "technically worse" than Mindslaver
.

And yet, this is what Magic is about! We're all trying to do stuff! Doesn't taking control of a player sound like something only an absolutely powerful mage could pull off? Isn't there something absolutely badass and cool, but evil about it? That's very appealing to many, I'm sure! It's why Mindslaver

is in 16k decks and Worst Fears
 is in 8k. 

But. 

I can't shake this feeling that it is absolutely wild to include Worst Fears

as a pet card. To see a Worst Fears
 resolve once or twice, it's pretty cool. But to sit down with someone and every time you do, you know, in the back of your mind, you're just thinking it can happen any moment now. If that threat lingering over your head every game is something you don't want to deal with, you might not want to play with that person. Or maybe it makes you prioritize dealing with that player first. This could lead to them feeling bummed about being targeted every time.

That's what your friend is setting up for himself. He's not the Bolas for having a favorite or pet card to include in all decks, but it definitely behooves him to give the table a heads up. I think? 

Man, I love this submission. Worst Fears

is great to surprise the archenemy at the table and take them down a peg. We've all been there, so it's pretty great! But don't be surprised if people think you're a jerk!

Not technically the Bolas, but this is literally a spell that deserves Nicol Bolas in a reprint's new art. 

Happy holidays, everybody!

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms