Am I The Bolas? - To Unfinity...

Mike Carrozza • January 17, 2024

Opinion
(Myra the Magnificent
 |Illustrated by Eric Wilkerson

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com! You might see your story in the column. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast? 

THIS PODCAST!

I'm Mark Carbonza, the guy who's probably going to keep plugging this podcast until you guys get into it!

At some point, we'll have enough episodes to feel like you're swirling in 'em!

This week, a question about Unfinity Commanders.

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and to wish somebody a happy birthday; if that's you, say so in the comments!)

TAKE ME TO THE SPACE CARNIVAL, MARK!

Hi!

A little backstory here: I love Unfinity commanders. They're just the right amount of silly but with enough firepower to actually compete at a decent level.

I always let the table know that I'm playing with Unfinity, and if anyone objects, I'll swap it out for something more "normal".

In this case, I was playing my Myra the Magnificent

deck against a Mirri, Weatherlight Duelist
 deck, Etali, Primal Conqueror
 deck, and a The Third Doctor
 // Ian Chesterton
 deck. I let them know that I was playing Unfinity, and everyone agreed.

From turn zero, the Mirri deck had it out for my Attractions. I understand trying to keep my Attractions in check because that's how I play my free things, but it got to be excessive. Every time I'd get an Attraction or put an enchantment down, it was immediately targeted by them. They used all their removal on my deck.

My deck was so clearly dead in the water because I couldn't get any momentum going, and it was, quite frankly, miserable.

After a few minutes, Etali was storming off and Ian Chesterton

was putting five-plus copies of very powerful Sagas on the battlefield.

The Third Doctor

player realized that the Mirri was excessively targeting me and attempted to take them down a peg, but Mirri just kept justifying it by almost shouting, "Haven't you seen what Myra does? We need to keep that shut down!" but with a lot more swearing.

Etali had now been blinked more than four times in one turn.

At this point, the Etali player started to get genuinely angry at me, because I was giving him exiled cards like Command Performance

, that were functionally useless to him. However, he couldn't ignore the threat on board of the Doctor, so he turned his attention that way for a little bit.

I realised my opportunity and took it, casting a one-mana Blasphemous Act

and exiling it with Myra underneath one of my two remaining Attractions. I now basically had a loaded shotgun to keep people in check, but both the Mirri and the Etali players were almost screaming at me at this point, saying that it was extremely unfair that I could just do that.

Both of them turned their attention solely towards me, with flooded boards and big threats. I used my remaining living turns trying to stay alive and deal as much damage to those two in particular as I could, basically kingmaking The Third Doctor

.

After the game, everyone was bitter and angry at my deck, but I felt like I was justified at doing what I did. In total, I only managed to cast five spells for free with Myra, Opt

three times, Blasphemous Act
 once, and a Cast into the Fire
 once (to hit a Chimil, the Inner Sun
).

I don't feel like the Bolas here: my communication up front was very clear, and I'm not about to roll over and let people not let me play by shutting down my deck entirely, but that's up to your judgement! Am I the Bolas here? 

Thanks for reading,

Unsure Unfinity Urchin

P.S. You're more than welcome to use this story for whatever you want; written or the podcast (very good to listen to while I'm at work, by the way, really enjoying it so far, just wish there was more!)

I'LL GET THE TICKETS, YOU GET THE COTTON CANDY!

Thanks for writing in, Unsure Unfinity Urchin!

I appreciate you writing in and for saying such nice things about my podcast Am I The Bolcast?! 

If you, the reader also have a story to share or Reddit post you'd like me to weigh in on, please don't hesitate to do so by emailing amithebolas@gmail.com.

Alright, back to column business. 

First of all, I'd like to say I really like commanders that are a little strange and a different kind of fun. I remember playing against Andy Floury's Dee Kay, Finder of the Lost

and thinking about the pile of cards I kept for that deck on my desk because I love it. Myra the Magnificent
 looks like such a fun commander. At the right table, a deck like this would be celebrated. 

This story is a bit more complicated than just "my opponents don't like Unfinity". 

Let's start with Etali. Frankly, the Etali, Primal Conqueror

player is ridiculous. Getting angry with you because they're stealing very particular and niche spells from your deck is next level audacity. Who cares!!! The cards you get from opponents is a bonus and clearly not the gameplan. I have no doubt this person would also hate some parasitic mechanic deck like a "splice onto Arcane" deck with none of the payoffs. So greedy. 

Also, both of them losing their minds because of Blasphemous Act

being exiled under one of your Attractions is wild because you STILL HAVE TO ROLL A DIE! What a truly unfair response to your deck and this situation. 

The Mirri, Weatherlight Duelist

was a jerk because, as you mentioned, they were focusing all their removal on you. That's not great, but it should be noted that it was possibly in the name of threat assessment. Saying something like "we have to keep that deck in check" is a fair thing to say. Doing so aggressively and swearing about it, not great but it happens; people get tilted and emotions come into play. It's not right to get so loud and aggressive with people. The fact that The Third Doctor
 player even got involved trying to stop the onslaught from Mirri speaks to this being awful enough that I can't defend them.

What I can say is that Myra the Magnificent

might very well be one of those decks you need to keep in check, and I can't blame them for their assessment, but to get so upset that you get to the point of "almost screaming" at you, unacceptable.

I don't think you're the Bolas in this story. But I urge you to recognize that while, yes, some players hate Unfinity, they will still play against them and will assess them as the deck they are. The Space Family Goblinson

would maybe elicit the same response but probably not the same targeting because that deck is most likely less powerful. That said, Myra is really powerful, and you should also acknowledge this. 

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms