Wick, the Whorled Mind Illustrated by Andrea Piparo

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com! You might see your story in the column. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast? 

THIS PODCAST!

I'm Mike Carrozza, aka Mark Carbonza, the guy who's excited for the next one.

I WANNA BE TERRIFIED!

This week, playgroup dynamics and how to navigate them.

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and a secret ingredient)

HEY, MARK!

Hey Mike!

I found your column today while I was at a business conference, and it has made me want to get back to playing EDH after I took a short hiatus.

Here's the problem:

The last time I was at my LGS, I was slinging spells and having a good time. Then one of my friends shouted something less than appropriate to me from across the room. It was meant as a joke, but it was incredibly hurtful, and after the game I was in, I left the game store without talking to him.

The guy goes to the store every EDH night, and I'm pretty engrossed in the group that he also plays in. I'd like to play in that group, but my want to be there is limited by his presence.

Would I be the Bolas if I started a pod and asked him to leave me alone? This is probably different than your usual articles, but this has been stopping me from playing my favorite game for about two months now. I want to get over it, but I can't. I have also talked to him briefly about it, but I ultimately don't feel much better.

Thank you very much. I love the work you do! It's very inspiring for an MTG-loving creator to see this type of smart, niche content being done!

Cheers,

Collector Ouphe

HELLO, COLLECTOR OUPHE!

Hey! Thanks so much for writing in to the column. Like I say every week, without people like you submitting to the column, there is no column. If you, the reader, have a story to share, a question to ask, a Reddit thread you'd like me to write about, send it over to amithebolas@gmail.com. Also, listen to the podcast! 

Alright. Before getting into this one, I'd like to mention that, in follow-up emails, Collector Ouphe filled me in on what the hurtful comment was. To give people an idea what it was without betraying CO's confidence, all I'll say is that it was a loud comment, made publicly, and while it was apparently meant as a joke between friends, it was degrading. Hurtful comments often are, so it doesn't really matter what was said; the point of today's article is about how to navigate a playgroup or member of a playgroup that has made you upset or uncomfortable. 

My first piece of advice, as always, is to talk to them. There's a stigma around the word confrontation; people are scared of it and what it might bring, but I assure you, there's a good way to be confrontational that could potentially get you to where you want to be. While I realize that CO has already talked to this person and does not feel better, it's important to highlight the attempt to resolve the issue. Confronting someone who made you feel less-than in any way can be intimidating. Letting them know that they have insulted you on a level that you deem unacceptable is a place to start. Telling them that your absence from game night is a direct result of being called names, for example, is a way to highlight the impact their words and actions have had on you as a player and ultimately the group. Some people go in thinking they can forgive the person they are confronting, but sometimes people understand that the situation is beyond repair and that simply "getting it off their chest" can help with feeling better. 

It's so concisely put in this part of the email:

"Would I be the Bolas if I started a pod and asked him to leave me alone? This is probably different than your usual articles, but this has been stopping me from playing my favorite game for about two months now. I want to get over it, but I can't. I have also talked to him briefly about it, but I ultimately don't feel much better.

In this particular case, CO has spoken to the player and does not feel any better and wishes to invite a pod and exclude this player. There was an attempt to sort things out, and it's just not enough. You've been away from the game for months because of this person, but you love the game, you love your playgroup, and you miss being part of it. I think you should totally start a new pod with people you believe would understand. I think that if you were to inform the whole pod and there's some sort of schedule like divorced parents with shared custody, that could be a solution, but ultimately the idea is to have a chat with who you feel comfortable with. I'll caution you that there are some people who might not get it and will try to hand wave it. Like, "Yeah whatever, big deal, he said [not telling you], but we've all been friends for so long." You have to brace yourself for something like that too, possibly. I don't know your pals. 

I don't think you're the Bolas for being hurt, and if what will make you feel better is not having to interact with that person again, then so be it, you don't have to. If there is a chance of redemption and the person does enough to be fine with you again, that's your call. Either way, it's time to either splinter off or air it out. Whatever you decide, remember that you were on the receiving end of something frustrating, upsetting, and offensive. You are not in the wrong here. You're standing up for yourself and drawing a line. This is a boundary, and if it's crossed, it's fair for you to express your displeasure and take actions, such as not playing with the source of the hurt. 

Thanks for writing in, and good luck!