Aetherdrift Jank Rank - Part 2

Hashaton, Scarab's Fist

by Wisnu Tan

Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing

I'm Michael Celani, and welcome back to the Aetherdrift Jank Rank! This is the second in a duology of articles ranking the jankability of each of the Aetherdrift commanders. If you haven't read the first part yet, go do that.

For those of you who have, this is the one where the interesting commanders are. Here's a quick reminder of our criteria:

Satisfaction

This section discusses whether or not you'll experience fun play with this commander in the command zone, or in other words, if you're likely to feel satisfaction in "doing the thing." Power and consistency are often the closest analogue to that for most people, so I'll often talk about the power of the commander here.

Jankability

This is how much potential the commander has for creativity. In this section, I'll offer my own insights on jank, as well as unique decks you could build with the given creature at the helm.

A quick note on this category: you might think that a pure value commander, which consistently draws you cards, has more potential for jank than any other commander because it enables you to play your deck without having to worry about the engine keeping it running. But the truth is that creativity is borne out of restriction; you need some sense of direction to come up with truly interesting ideas. I've been doin' this for years, so you can trust me on this one.

Uniqueness

Finally, I'll bring up if the commander reminds me of any other commander, or if the strategy it offers is unique throughout the Commander ecosystem. Confusingly, it's possible for a commander to have both high uniqueness and low jankability; such a commander is laser-focused in what it does, it's just that no other commander really does what it does (think Darien, King of Kjeldor

Let's finish this thing!

Far Fortune, End Boss

I'm sure "End Boss" is supposed to mean something else in the context of the story, but I just can't stop reading it like it's referencing the final encounter in a video game.

Satisfaction: If max speed appeals to you but you were worried about whether or not it was consistent, then fret no more: Far Fortune, End Boss

Jankability: If you want to go all-in on starting your engines!, this is probably the commander for you. Nobody else can get to max speed as consistently as Far Fortune, End Boss

Uniqueness: The problem with Far Fortune, End Boss

• Tor Wauki the Younger
  outright buffs noncombat damage by the same amount as Far Fortune
  without having to count to four first, while also stapling a free Shock
  to your instant and sorcery spells.
• Ojer Axonil, Deepest Might
  goes even harder, boosting noncombat damage to whatever his power is. Scale that as far as you like, and watch as Impact Tremors
  deals 10 per creature.
• Conversely, Ob Nixilis, Captive Kingpin
  gets stronger every time you deal exactly 1 damage and exiles a card for your use.

Redshift, Rocketeer Chief

What th- any number of permanent cards?! What is it with this set's green-plus commanders and cheating out stuff from your hand?

Satisfaction: Like Daretti, Rocketeer Engineer

Jankability: Tons; the well of activated abilities is deep. Just spitballing for myself here, but you can cycle so many cards each turn if you pump up Redshift, Rocketeer Chief

Uniqueness: Shares a lot in common with Agatha of the Vile Cauldron

Caradora, Heart of Alacria

Caradora, Heart of Alacria

Satisfaction: Outside of the tutor, Caradora really doesn't have much going for them, so whether or not you have fun depends on what Vehicles you search out. When it comes to Hardened Scales in the command zone, I can take it or leave it; it probably works well in the versions of the deck that include creatures like Ornery Tumblewagg, but not anywhere else.

Jankability: With the tutor, Caradora becomes a secret commander commander; in other words, she exists to guarantee access to some permanent in your deck from the command zone. That renders her incredibly open-ended, which is good for jank. Here's a few ways you can use this:

• Esika's Chariot: Populate. Create big tokens and copy them, similar to a Ghired, Conclave Exile deck.
• Nautiloid Ship: Selesnya mill. Mill out your opponents with permanents like Altar of the Brood and Mesmeric Orb, then exile your opponent's graveyard to steal their stuff.
• Hedge Shredder: Selesnya self-mill. Green spells like Animal Magnetism can fill your graveyard with tons of lands, which Hedge Shredder will bring back for free.
• Peacewalker Colossus: Vehicles. Run very few creatures and instead crew all your Vehicles with Peacewalker Colossus's ability.
• Golden Argosy: Blink. Golden Argosy not only blinks your value creatures, like Inspiring Overseer, it also blinks Caradora herself to tutor more permanents.

Uniqueness: What Caradora does for Mounts and Vehicles, Kellan, the Fae-Blooded did for Auras and Equipment and Djeru, With Eyes Open did for planeswalkers.

Lagorin, Soul of Alacria

Yikes, reading Lagorin right after Caradora makes it obvious how intertwined they really are.

Satisfaction: Yawn. If I wanted a two-mana Selesnya counters commander, I'd go with Finneas, Ace Archer. Two counters per turn with no other abilities isn't worth the commander slot, no matter how low-power I'm going, and Lagorin piles up about two or three more caveats on top of that.

Jankability: It either puts counters on Mounts and Vehicles or does nothing. It's even less jankable than the vanilla creatures, because at the very least those were a bit more open-ended.

Uniqueness: And somehow, Lagorin isn't even unique in the Mounts/Vehicles counters department, because we already have Miriam, Herd Whisperer.

Hashaton, Scarab's Fist

Now here we go! Hashaton, Scarab's Fist is one of the commanders from the Zombie precon, which, for all intents and purposes, looks like is the winner of the Aetherdrift duology.

Satisfaction: Discarding cards is trivial, especially in blue, so this reads to me as "your creatures cost and are 4/4s." is a very fair cost for this effect, and best of all, you can power up or power down your list without replacing the commander, since its strength depends on the contents of your deck.

Jankability: Hashaton is the textbook definition of a jank commander: he makes token copies of arbitrary creatures in a way that's repeatable. Remember, his ability doesn't exile the discarded card, so as long as you can cycle away something like a Gravedigger, you have an infinite creature printing machine. God forbid your Tortured Existence sticks. (I haven't looked at this guy's EDHREC page yet, is it the top... yep, there it is. Still got it!)

0/0s are another option; graft, modular, and other Clockwork cards¹ do particularly well here. The type-changing also makes those old War of the Spark Army-enhancers stronger, so I'd sneak in Gleaming Overseer as some spicy tech.

Uniqueness: Reanimator is common, but reanimation at the point of discard is less so. The most obvious parallel I can think of is Oskar, Rubbish Reclaimer, who lets you cast whatever you discard when you discard it. Compared to Hashaton, Scarab's Fist, though, he's missing out on white, the jank potential of reanimating what you just discarded, and the substantial discount on big creatures.

In terms of actual gameplay, though, the closest parallel is The Scarab God, who also creates 4/4 token Zombie copies of something thrown away. The Scarab God goes more all-in on Zombies, though, so if you're interested in making token copies of things without agonizing over the creature type of your deck, go with Hashaton, Scarab's Fist.

Ketramose, the New Dawn

Destined to be the most popular commander in the set by a mile, Ketramose, the New Dawn asks the question "What if Swords to Plowshares cantripped?"

Satisfaction: Ketramose might be the only commander this set I rate harshly not because it's too weak to be fun, but rather because it's too strong to be. I mean, look at this garbage: every single blink you cast now cantrips, including the repeatable ones, like Teleportation Circle and Conjurer's Closet. Not only that, all your graveyard hate now cantrips, including the repeatable ones, like Scrabbling Claws and Relic of Progenitus. Not only that, all your good removal now cantrips, like Path to Exile (provided you cast it during your turn, and not on a token).

If you can look yourself in the mirror the morning after playing Ketramose, the New Dawn, you will have a lot of fun. I, unfortunately, have a conscience, so there's no world where running this as a commander satisfies me.

Jankability: If you exclusively exile cards from your own graveyard through obtuse methods, like embalm, encore, or unearth, then maybe there's a case to be made for... nope, I can't do it. This thing just showers you in too much value. Every single Ketramose deck is going to look the exact same.

Uniqueness: The one saving grace for Ketramose, the New Dawn is that no other commander really views exile as a goal in and of itself. Ranar the Ever-Watchful sort of did, but left you with a token instead of a card for your trouble.

Zahur, Glory's Past

Glory's Past, alright. Glory's passed him right on by.

Satisfaction: Nothing depresses me more than an instant-speed sac outlet you can only activate once per turn. Even one-mana outlets, like Viscera Seer and Vampiric Rites, don't have that drawback.

The obvious aristocrat bent will make it pretty easy to hit max speed, but you only get a tapped Zombie for your trouble. It feels like they wanted to combine Viscera Seer and Pawn of Ulamog together, but realized that such a commander would probably be the second most busted aristocrats commander ever printed, so they way overnerfed the thing. I can't imagine a world where I play Zahur, Glory's Past and wish I wasn't rocking some other commander instead.

Jankability: Zahur has the only sac outlet in the whole game that surveils when you use it, so maybe Syr Konrad, the Grim gets some extra juice? I dunno, this just reads like bog standard aristocrats to me.

Uniqueness: Want a sac outlet? Bartolomé del Presidio. Want creatures when something dies? Teysa, Orzhov Scion. You're really better off just picking one instead of haphazardly combining the two and hoping for the best of both worlds.

Captain Howler, Sea Scourge

Aetherdrift adds a lovely three Shark Pirates to the game, bringing our total to four. Now, if it were up to me, literally everything would be a Shark Pirate, so they need to step it up already.

Satisfaction: Now this feels like a good egg to crack. When you discard one or more cards, a target creature gets a power buff proportional to the number of cards discarded and a triggered ability that draws a card whenever it deals combat damage to an opponent. This lets you build the deck in two ways: either run a lot of wheels to give a creature (probably your commander) a ridiculous power boost with no downside, or run a lot of individual card discards (like Thrill of Possibility or cycling cards) to get as many copies of that triggered ability on something as possible.

A well-balanced list probably has a few instances of both, for when you want to get value or close out a game. Discarding in Izzet is easy; evasion in Izzet is easy; and counterspells give you opportunities to both protect your creatures and affect the board. You are going to do the thing, and if you're playing nongames with Captain Howler, Sea Scourge at the helm, your deckbuilding is to blame.

Jankability: You're probably so used to how these commanders are templated that you mentally inserted the words "you control" after "target creature," and that's emphatically not the case. If you can discard at instant speed during an opponent's combat, anything that's unblocked will draw you cards. If you want to take advantage of that, then goading creatures makes the most sense; either an enemy creature gets blocked, and you can leverage your discards to make combat complicated, or they get through and you can actually smack your opponents like planned.

Outside of the goad strategy, Fling is a distinct possibility here; if you wheel into a Fling, you're probably shooting someone for at least ten. I also like the idea of buffing up Champion of Wits in response to its enters trigger. Shark kindred, perhaps?

Uniqueness: Izzet on-discard is fairly unexplored space; the most obvious parallel is Rielle, the Everwise, who eschews the combat step entirely and simply draws you as many cards as you discarded. For what it's worth, I think Captain Howler has a higher ceiling and deeper average gameplay, especially if you're leveraging enemy combats as much as you should.

If you're willing to upgrade to Jeskai, then Brallin, Skyshark Rider/Shabraz, the Skyshark are fairly good payoffs for wheels and cycling, since discarding cards damages your opponents and drawing cards gains you life (which makes me wonder why lifegain isn't a bigger presence on that deck's rec page).

Aatchik, Emerald Radian

Who keeps asking for these bog standard Golgari Insect commanders? Don't you weirdos have enough at this point?

Satisfaction: Aatchik, Emerald Radian is... fine. You'll probably get anywhere from three to five Insect tokens when it enters, and that means your opponents are losing a hefty chunk of life. I wish there was some built-in evasion so that those counters actually mattered, but... whatever. I'm not very enthusiastic about the prospect of playing Aatchik, honestly.

Jankability: Weirdly enough, there's some potential here using a strategy I like to call Black Blink, where you include enough variants of Feign Death to be able to sacrifice and bring back the commander over and over.

Uniqueness: Good God, there's a lot of Golgari Insect commanders. I'm gonna go ahead and choose Izoni, Thousand-Eyed as the representative here, because it also makes a number of tokens equal to your Undergrowth.

Kolodin, Triumph Caster

Go, Speed Racer!

Satisfaction: I've never been a big fan of Vehicles or Mounts, but a free crew/saddle (cresaddle?) and swing the turn one comes down is undoubtedly fun, especially if you're getting there by cheating. Imagine a turn-one Faithless Looting into a turn-two Kolodin, Triumph Caster into a turn-three Sol Ring and Refurbish targeting Parhelion II. 

Jankability: A couple things worth noting. First is that Kolodin doesn't require you to have cast the permanent in question, so blinking Mounts effectively Saddles them for free. Second is that it's any Mount or Vehicle, including tokens, so go ahead and make token copies of whatever you want for even more mayhem.

Uniqueness: Boros Vehicles didn't really have that many commanders to choose from, and none of them give your Vehicles haste. And forget about Mounts: no Boros commander cared at all before now!

Sab-Sunen, Luxa Embodied

Dammit, I wasted my smash or pass joke on the stupid dumb lizard earlier?

Satisfaction: Sab-Sunen, Luxa Embodied demands one thing from you: can you put a +1/+1 counter on a creature at all during your turn? If the answer is yes, you're golden: every turn, Sab-Sunen, Luxa Embodied buffs itself to an odd number of counters, you draw two cards, and then you put a counter on it to allow it to engage in combat. If you can't, then Sab-Sunen, Luxa Embodied has Truant and you're either experiencing the slowest drawing or the slowest combat a commander can offer.

Jankability: Unfortunately, I feel like enough of your deck is going to be committed to babysitting Sab-Sunen's counters that you really won't have much room for anything else. You can make an argument that Sab-Sunen, Luxa Embodied is itself jank, and I'm inclined to give that argument a little slack, but she does suffer a bit from Do-The-Thing Syndrome.

Uniqueness: Weirdly enough, Simic already had a commander that cared about whether its counters (well, technically power, but whatever) were odd or even in Kianne, Corrupted Memory. Fortunately, Kianne, Corrupted Memory was unplayable, so Sab-Sunen, Luxa Embodied is unique in that it's the first good one.

Sita Varma, Masked Racer

The art implies Sita Varma, Masked Racer is attempting to win the death race on foot, which is about as stupid as her card is, so kudos!

Satisfaction: Oh, boy, we have Overrun at home! To be fair, if you make tons of 1/1 tokens or something and then activate Sita Varma, Masked Racer for = 3, then you are buffing them all up to 5/6. It's just that Scale Up does practically the same thing and doesn't cost you the command zone slot.

Jankability: Not as the commander; exhaust is pretty damn tough to get around, and going through any amount of effort to reset that usually forces Sita Varma, Masked Racer to lose her counters. You're not realistically reusing an exhaust ability without substantial help, and I'll discuss that glaring exploit in a later commander.

Uniqueness: I don't know why you'd go through all this effort and mana to buy what Tanazir Quandrix gives you every turn for free.

Temmet, Naktamun's Will

Sick of wheel commanders that simply burn your opponents to death, Wizards designed Temmet, Naktamun's Will so that you have to go to combat before everyone dies instead.

Satisfaction: Well, your board is definitely getting a massive buff if you cast the contractually required Windfall before combat, and it's practically impossible for your Zombies not to have swampwalk or fear by the time that happens.

My only concern is that five mana with no protection is a little risky. I feel like you only have one or two good turns with Temmet, Naktamun's Will before your opponents get wise and swat him back into his tomb. Then again, if you want to run an arbitrary Zombie kindred deck, there are worse options.

Jankability: Do-The-Thing Syndrome is in full force here, since you get a free loot when you swing and looting increases the power of your Zombies. I just don't see any interesting way you can take Temmet, Naktamun's Will that won't feel like you're throwing away the Zombie swarm tactics for no reason.

Uniqueness: The other side of the coin from Varina, Lich Queen, down to the looting when you attack and kindred synergy.

Samut, the Driving Force

Oh, Samut. You used to have double strike, but then you became a planeswalker and stopped engaging in combat at all. Then, Phyrexia invaded and you were forced back to the lowly status of creature, but with only first strike. What happened to the other strike, Samut? What happened to the other strike?!

Satisfaction: This is the commander that grew the most on me with repeated readings. At first, I was concerned that your speed would grow far too slowly for Samut, the Driving Force to be worth the six-mana asking price. But then I realized a couple of things:

• You're in green, so you're actually casting her turn four;
• You can actually get to two speed the turn she comes down, assuming you deal some damage;
• She reduces the cost of all noncreature spells, including, say, colorless artifacts with no colored mana pips.

All you have to do is get to max speed, and suddenly all your artifacts with mana value four or less are free, not to mention the deep discount on whatever instants, sorceries, and enchantments you want to throw out there.

Jankability: This is a Johnny's dream. What could you do if every four-cost-or-less artifact you cast was free? What could you do if you made a nonlegendary copy of Samut, the Driving Force, raising the stakes to eight or less?

Uniqueness: A few commanders reduce the cost of certain classes of spells by , but none of them are as far-reaching as all noncreature spells.

Loot, the Pathfinder

Jokes aside, I actually like Loot. Seriously, I don't mind him. I hope Wizards realizes that he's way cuter if we don't see his weird, fucked-up mouth.

Satisfaction: For the low, low cost of five mana, you get a hasty, 2/4 vigilant double-striker with the ability to cast a Dark Ritual, a Lightning Bolt, and Ancestral Recall! If you're want for things to do after Loot, the Pathfinder hits the board, then you seriously need to cut some lands. Go on, it'll be fine.

Jankability: Well, there's more opportunity here than with Sita Varma, Masked Racer, mostly because every single one of those activated abilities are so damn cheap. Tokens into Nanogene Conversion, here I come!

Uniqueness: "For the low, low cost of five mana, you get a 5/5 with the ability to cast a Disenchant, Braingeyser, Terror, Shivan Dragon, Regrowth, or Black Lotus!" At least this one can't kill an opponent with infinite mana.

Pia Nalaar, Chief Mechanic

Pia Nalaar, Chief Mechanic took her daughter's fashion sense and, not willing to be outdone, ramped it up to eleven by adding way too many lenses.

Satisfaction: Pia Nalaar, Chief Mechanic gives you a maximum of six a turn on her own, then lets you spend any amount of that energy to create a thick flying Vehicle. It's a push-your-luck kind of commander: ideally, you create an evasive beater that's as big as possible, but your energy will sit there doing nothing until that happens. (Might I recommend including a Razorfield Ripper so it isn't just collecting dust while in the pool?) Skilled players will know when to hold back and when to spend, and solving that equation seems satisfying to me.

Jankability: Energy is a bit too parasitic for me to consider it a font of creativity. Sort of like kindred decks, a lot of the good cards are already decided for you the instant you decide to go all-in on the theme. Thankfully, it's getting a bit better, thanks to the ridiculous amount of energy products we've gotten in the past few years. What are we, the Pokémon Trading Card Game?

Uniqueness: Well, this and the next commander are the first energy commanders in Temur, so that's a plus.

Saheeli, Radiant Creator

Oh, thank God, I was concerned I was gonna get through this set without anything actually interesting showing up.

Satisfaction: Oh, no! I have to cast artifacts to get my energy? How will I ever accomplish a task so difficult?

It's so easy I'd argue you're paying practically every turn, which means you're doing the thing.

Jankability: Target. Permanent. Saheeli, Radiant Creator effectively creates an animated, token copy of whatever you want and gives it the artifact type for good measure. Here's some ideas for you aspiring weirdos out there:

• Make animated copies of lands like Evolving Wilds and sacrifice it for Landfall triggers;
• Create a token copy of a powerful enchantment and then populate it;
• Act of Treason an opponent's commander and then make a token copy of it, sacrificing the stolen one to the legend rule;
• Create token copies of Clockwork cards for severe damage;
• Use Strionic Resonator and friends to copy Saheeli's trigger without paying more energy²;
• Have animated copies of planeswalkers enter, sacrifice it to the legend rule, and then Resourceful Defense the generated loyalty counters over to the original;
• Bounce Ornithopter over and over again for free, cheesy energy; and finally, most jank of all:
• Actual, real Artificer kindred.

Uniqueness: This is outright the best animator commander I've ever seen. Nothing else even comes close to the potential of Saheeli, Radiant Creator. Sure, other commanders can animate artifacts, enchantments, or lands, but nobody can outright animate everything.

For all of her hard work, Saheeli, Radiant Creator wins this set's illustrious title of Most Jank Commander.

Mimeoplasm, Revered One

But that's not without some stiff competition. Aetherdrift really pulled its punches until the very end, because it now blesses us with a new Mimeoplasm.

Satisfaction: Hey, kids! Tired of the fact that The Mimeoplasm only let you be two creatures at a time? Well, fret no more! With this handy-dandy updated version, you can now have your favorite Ooze swap between any number of creatures you want! But wait, there's more!

Do all your creatures suck in combat? Do they have the upper body strength of an emaciated hyena that fell into a pit and can't get back out? Well, Mimeoplasm, Revered One fixes that too, by tying its counters to the number of creatures it exiles! For just five mana, you can have a 6/6 with (if you exile the right creature) trample!

Jankability: This is how you cheat exhaust. Mimeoplasm, Revered One's ability allows it to become a copy of any creature it's exiled, but there's no rule saying it can't become a copy of a creature it already is. Since it's technically a new set of abilities, this lets you refresh your exhaust abilities, or any other ability that you can activate only once per turn.

You can also do things like swing as a creature with myriad, then transform into a more interesting creature that you actually want to copy, or you can use the counters to become versions of creatures with way more power than they ever expected. Exile a creature with evasion to get through in combat, or exile a creature with protection to shut down single targeted removal. Sky's the limit when your commander can be all the creatures in your deck!

Uniqueness: To be honest, Mimeoplasm, Revered One would be the set's Most Jank Commander, but it finally falls flat at the finish line. Volrath, the Shapestealer has had all this tech since Commander 2019, so the question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want to cast your creatures and put counters on them, or exile them and deal with the inflated transformation cost.

You're Winner!

And there you have it. Let me know what you think in the comments below about my rankings, discuss your own unique ideas with these commanders, and swing by next set for more discourse!

1. Named for Clockwork Beast, it refers to any creature with a low base power and toughness that enters with some number of counters buffing it up
2. "When you do" actually defines a triggered ability that triggers after you pay the energy cost.