New Rental Trend? Bay Area Landlord Charges Table Fee For Webcam Play
Walnut Creek, CA — A Bay Area rental dispute is turning heads nationwide, as one landlord plans to charge an additional $200 a month table fee for SpellTable and other webcam-based gameplay.
How does he justify such a fee? The landlord, who asked to remain anonymous, argued, “Someone playing from home uses more electricity, water, internet, and air conditioning than someone who leaves for an LGS. Maybe if tenants purchased snacks or drinks it would offset these costs, but they don’t. I’ve got a mortgage to pay! With their money!”
Tenant advocates have condemned the policy as yet another creative way to extract as much money from renters as possible.
“It is creative, isn’t it?” said a delighted Richard Hole, spokesman for the Bay Area Association for Landlords (BAAL).
At a press conference in response to the controversy, Mr. Hole argued his case. “It’s simple math. Tenants don’t realize it’s expensive to take up space. That table could be used for folks on an awkward first date to play Jenga. Regular tenants just don’t spend as much as they would, so property owners are simply adapting to changing market conditions.”
A tenant in the crowd fired back. “First it was pet rent, then a work-from-home fee. What’s next?”
Mr. Hole, visibly turned on by this, replied, “Speculating on what we’ll do next incurs a Hypothetical Fee. Which, to be clear, is real, and not hypothetical. That’ll be 15 bucks, please!”
With such high demand for housing, and no chance more housing actually gets built, there are reports of other landlords taking inspiration from the artificial scarcity business model of Magic: The Gathering in order to keep up.
In Brooklyn, one landlord sells his leases in packs, including in recently announced Collector Leases. “Opening packs gives that rush of dopamine and, legally, a slim chance at a nicer place. Of course, everybody’s hoping to pull a foil Williamsburg 3-bedroom, but our common leases make piling into a Bushwick studio with your Pauper polycule a great option.”
Some desperate tenants have even started putting their leases in their trade binders. We approached a dejected player to ask about how his dealing went.
“Nobody trades apartments anymore without checking Zillow. It takes all the fun out of it.”
What’s the industry take on these further developments? Mr. Hole, with a chuckle, replied, “Well, it turns out Cocks and his boys devised the perfect business model for the modern economy. The real estate industry is simply translating their strategy to our business.”
Is Mr. Hole worried about further backlash? “No. Tenants have to remember: not every house is for you.”
Yes, much to tenants’ misfortune, this movement shows no signs of stopping. At the recent LordCon, BAAL revealed their plans for Universes Beyond: Apartments. “If we make the place look like Hey Arnold’s apartment, sad millennials will give us more money!”
