New Data Center Built Specifically for Jeff Bezos to Play Momir
Mesa, ARIZONA – Though there is already one in town, Mesa City Council has announced that a new data center is being built so that Jeff Bezos and his associates can play a physical version of Momir, the popular Magic: The Gathering format generally only possible to play online.
Dwarfing Apple’s data center in the same city, the Momir Vig Memorial Data Center will be 3 million square feet and consist of multiple machines capable of 3d-printing random Magic creatures.
“We’ve been calling this his ‘Seto Kaiba’ era,” said Bezos associate and data center foreman Greg Croesus, who gave journalists a tour of the construction zone, “since he’s got grand ideas for how to expand his company without anyone really having the resources to stop him, he’s always loved the idea of bringing monsters to life, and he’s on the hunt for some weird Egyptian artifacts. Plus with all his money he’s gotten into Magic recently, primarily Vintage and Standard, but loves the randomness of Momir on MTG Online.”
The Momir format consists of players paying mana to get a random creature of that mana value, and some die-hard fans have recently brought the digital-only format to paper.
“While reading updates on the privately funded psy-ops he runs on Reddit, Jeff discovered that some tech-capable fans have been playing Momir in real life by using printers and Arduino boards. They hit a button, dial up Scryfall, and print out a random Magic card like you’d get on Arena. Jeff really liked that idea, but as is his way, he thought ‘how could I waste the most money on something for myself to use?’, and thus this data center was created!
“It’ll run massive 3D printers loaded with a proprietary stem cell technology that can print out actual, living Magic monsters to fight for Mr. Bezos’ pleasure. Yes, this technology could be used for medical applications that could save countless lives, but don’t you want to see Jeff and his celebrity friends flinging actual Slippery Bogles and Shivan Dragons at each other? Luckily you will once we televise the battles on Amazon Prime this fall!”
At press time, it was estimated that the resources to run the Momir Vig Data Center would cause the ecological collapse of the entire state, but at least a billionaire will get to have a good time for a little bit.
