[Opinion] If That Big Titty Anime Elfball Alter Deck Doesn’t Have Human Art Credits I’m Going To Take You With Me

I swear to fucking god, that shitty anime alter elfball deck is bad enough on its own, but I’m going to examine every single card you play looking at the artist credits, and if I see the name of a generative AI site, I’m going to make it everybody in this fucking store’s problem. Don’t even try me.

Individual data centers use up to 5 million gallons of practically unrecyclable water a day, and rural Black communities near them like Boxtown, Tennessee are polluted daily from unregulated air pollution, but you don’t care, do you? You wanted to show off how you think Marwyn, the Nurturer should have GG-cup breasts and skin shinier than your uninsured cybertruck. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m definitely a sex-positive person and I support multiple erotic artists. I’m not afraid to admit that. But if I find out that the “artist” for that textless Imperious Perfect was a machine designed to use an algorithm to average the work of 50 different people making less than minimum wage across eastern Asia, the kids playing Yu-Gi-Oh the next table over are going to have to learn how to clean blood off of their card sleeves.

Look, you get how this commander league works, right? We don’t actually get all that many points for winning a match. We all have objectives to complete, like most artifacts in a match or surviving with a negative health value. Shit like that. But last I read the bounty sheet, wasting 20 minutes of your turn jerking off over your Priest of Titania‘s titanic honkers to get as much green mana out of your blue balls as possible instead of playing the goddamn Craterhoof Behemoth we all saw you tutor for 3 turns ago ain’t worth jack or shit. Take off the cheap cocaine shades and pimp jewelry and actually play the cards in your hand because we lose league points for conceding and I’m about to shove those goddamn bubblegum baseball pack cards you bought off of Tiktok down your throat you puddle of horsepiss.

You see my board? You see the Muldrotha, the Gravetide and Nashi, Moon’s Legacy that are (hopefully) going to win me the league points for most creatures pulled out of the graveyard? Check out their artist credits. TAPIOCA and Eric Fucking Velhagen. Who’s the artist credited on that Lathril, Blade of the Elves with visible nipples through the sheer white dress that perfectly adheres to her skin? Oh, it’s conveniently blank so you can see more of the picture? Wow, that’s fucking weird, I wonder why?

And that High Perfect Morcant, Jesus fucking Christ. That’s just… what? That’s a real card? Hold on, let me check Scryfall… Huh. Sorry. Well, you’re still taking too long to take your turn.