MTG Fan and Skater Amber Glenn Asks Opponents to Split Gold Medal

Olympic hopeful and Magic: The Gathering hobbyist Amber Glenn has reportedly asked other skaters in the women’s 300 meter downhill event she will be competing in if they’d be OK splitting the gold medal if they get to the final round.

Glenn, who is planning on skating to a Turbo-Fog-themed routine, has been discussing competition results with her fellow competitors leading up to the event.

“I’ve been playing Magic a long time,” explained Glenn in a recent interview by a sports journalism company who were disgusted to learn about her hobby, “and been playing at Friday Night Magic events for a while. In fact I’ve won a bunch on those FNM nights thanks to the drive and determination I get from my figure skating. But sometimes I come up a little short, and I’ve seen a few players do something to come out on top. I know some people frown on it, but many times I’ve seen people not play the last round and just agree to split the top prize for the event, almost like there’s two winners.”

There have been issues in both the Olympic and MTG worlds regarding prize-splitting like this, but Glenn was quick to address those problems.

“Also, like, this isn’t completely weird; Italy and Qatar split and got gold for the high jump back in 2020, and I’m being up front about it so as not to cause any confusion like at the Gen-Con Secret Lair Championship in ’24. I’m just trying to save me and another person having to skate for nothing, when we can both have half of a medal that President Trump will call us and demand we hand over to him.”

As of press time the International Olympic Committee have been hard at work drafting a new rule to punish Glenn for asking for the split.