White House-Sponsored Maro Post Reveals It’s OK To Eat Cards Once SNAP Benefits Are Gone
Redmond, WA – In a sponsored post on his popular Tumblr blog, Magic: The Gathering Head Designer Mark Rosewater reversed a long-held belief of his due to an executive order handed down from the White House.
While Rosewater, affectionately known as Maro, had said in the past that it was unwise and unhealthy to eat Magic cards, he now claims it’s ok, and should be a new primary food source for those who have or will lose their Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program funds.
“Hey there, everyone, I want to write a special message to you all today,” said Maro in between two questions complaining about the potential new hybrid mana rules. “While I have stated in the past that it’s a bad idea to eat Magic cards, I have been informed by the current administration that that is not the case.
“Secretary Kennedy and I have conferred and determined that Magic cards can be a good source of fiber, especially the cards found in premium Magic: The Gathering Collector Packs. The foiling makes them go down smooth! Plus, with SNAP benefits winding down in the next few months, many Americans will be without food. Luckily, we just printed Bagel and Schmear and Instant Ramen, so we have plenty of cards to make those folks think they’re eating real food!
Though Maro has never done a post sponsored by a world government, at least he got to take a break from answering questions about Universes Beyond ruining the game.
“I know many of you might think this is a radical departure from my previous views. However, I have been informed by the government that those are not my views anymore, and what they say goes nowadays. So from now on, chomp on a Charcoal Diamond, munch on a Mana Geyser, slurp up a Hot Soup, eat as many cards as you like. That way, you’ll have more space in your collection for new cards to eat!
“As an added bonus, we wanted to reveal a new promo item you can find at your local game stores. If you attend any upcoming Magic event, you will get a promotional Food token with art of a cake. And you can eat it, too!”
