Border Patrol Caught Using Blasphemous Act On Single Ornithopter
EL PASO, TX — Panic abounded earlier this week, as alarms rang out that a Blasphemous Act was fired off in the area, spreading fears of a greater conflict. However, after further investigation, it appears all the action was over a single unequiped Ornithopter, and many are now learning Customs and Border Patrol may be to blame.
“It wasn’t even a threat. I can’t even remember the last time I swung with it” says Gabriele Kerner, the Ornithoper’s owner. She tells Commander’s Herald the artifact creature was part of her Baba Lysaga, Night Witch deck, with no means of equipping it nor using its Flying for Ninjutsu. Kerner was playing the deck at a friend’s quinceañera when the sweeper was fired off, and says it left many of the revelers shaken. “Someone spilled grape soda all over the birthday girl’s dress. It looked like she was cosplaying as Liliana the rest of the evening.”
According to a government statement, the red sweeper was launched by an unnamed Border Patrol officer located just outside El Paso. It is unclear what provoked the use of the Blasphemous Act in the first place, but one source tells us it “set off panic bells” as it was “something here from somewhere else.” The same source would go on to confirm that things being from “somewhere else” were often the source of animus within the organization.
Immigration Rights Advocates were quick to question how Border Patrol could play such a powerful card, much less so early in the game. “They blew two ritual spells and three of their own creatures just for an 0/2. That’s an absurd waste of 8 mana on turn two of the game without any sort of oversight. I don’t understand how such an untrained individual could even get their hands on the card”, activist Jonathan Feldman said in an interview. Records show CBP ordered the card from Pentagon Games in Arlington, VA five days before the incident, and likely only arrived mere hours before it was used. “It was a Secret Lair version at that” Feldman continued, “That’s tens of taxpayer dollars that could be spent anywhere else!”
When asked for comment, a Department of Homeland Security spokesman said they take any invasion of our nation’s play area with the utmost importance, and has no issue with the use of the spell, before calling us pansies and escorting us out of the office. While the fate of the officer in question has not been officially revealed, one anonymous tells us one potential fate. “Given his lack of threat assessment, poor resource management, and absolute disregard for his own hand, board, and gameplan, it’s highly likely the higher ups are going to have him re-assigned” the source tells us, “It might be tough. All the 3-man Commander pods said no.”
