Am I The Bolas? - Joining in on the Fun!

Join the Dance Illustrated by Raoul Vitale
Hello and welcome to Am I the Bolas?
This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking "Am I the Bolas?" Whether it's because of a mean play or even just getting bored with your playgroup, I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email markcarbonza@gmail.com!
Who am I?
I'm Mark Carbonza! I'm the guy looking forward to the Gordon Ramsay Secret Lair!
It comes together on its own!
This week, we've got a good-willed tournament runner who's afraid of shifting the vibe of his events.
MARK, MY WORDS!
(email edited for brevity and clarity)
Hi Mark,
Really enjoying this series and decided to take the plunge and email you about my current dilemma.
I've been running Commander events at an LGS since 2018, including a full year of doing a league setup where players could earn points for winning games and doing other cool stuff. Every season (which was 3 months) I would give away a custom playmat to the top point scorer. We moved to webcam play with a much smaller group while in-person paper play wasn't possible, but we can play in-person again now. I've decided to not go back to the league structure because I enjoyed the more "casual" experience.
One of the things I have found myself doing is worrying a lot about "is it bad for the organizer to win?" I focus a lot on Rule 0 discussions and emphasizing the social aspect of playing. I definitely don't win at any rate approaching dominance (maybe 1 win per 8-10 games played in a group with good players). I find myself worrying about the newer people who show up and have cool decks and end up sitting there not doing much as the established members beat up on each other. I want folks to come back and play again! I am lucky to have access to powerful cards, but it's easy to slip into cEDH mode just to make the Spike inside me shut up about "never winning."
This starts altering my deck choices and card choices in an attempt to say, "See, I am not the Bolas! I just want you to come and play and have a good time"
Am I worried too much or is the secret commander of all my decks the Bolas?
Chris