THE STRIXHAVEN BACK-TO-SCHOOL GUIDE

(You won’t listen. That’s fine. We didn’t either)

BEFORE DAY 1

Read this now. Read it again when you hate everything. Read it a third time when you hate yourself.

If things feel calm, let them. This is the eye of the storm. The storm is syllabi.
Don’t date your study buddy. Attraction caused by proximity + adrenaline is not chemistry. It’s cortisol with a crush.
Pack protection. This applies to sex, experiments, emotional boundaries, and that one friend who will ruin your life.
Ask yourself if you’re “finding a new you” or just giving your coping mechanisms a rebrand.
Sleep deprivation will make you horny, anxious, and stupid. Academia calls this “rigor.” It’s still not worth it.

Cite your sources or be spiritually prepared for someone to climax while correcting you.
Some of the ghosts will be attractive. Don’t. They have centuries of unresolved trauma and zero accountability.
Being right will not save you from being annoying. In fact, it may worsen it.
Tombs are great for many things. $&%@ing is not one of them.
If you’re going to argue in class, finish strong or don’t start. Weak arguments haunt longer than ghosts.

Chaos is not a substitute for preparation. It is a substitute for sleep, stability, and friendships.
If it’s not perfect, it’s not done. If it’s done, it’s already too late to save.
Not every critique is an attack. But enough of them are that your defensiveness makes sense.
If they call you a muse, they want free labor and emotional access.
If it’s hot because it’s destructive, it will keep destroying things. Including you. Especially you.

You can fully understand something and still fail it. Intelligence is not a force field.
Stop over-explaining. Anxiety turns explanation into confession.
Certainty is soothing. Curiosity is useful. One keeps you calm; the other keeps you correct.
You cannot min/max people’s stats. They can tell. They resent you for trying.
You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re not entitled to answers, closure, or emotional spreadsheets.

Participation is power. Silence is power. Weaponize responsibly.
If everyone agrees with you, you’re either being careful or manipulative. Check which one feeds you.
Your words can build someone up or tear them down. Yes, this includes the ones you aim inward.
Harsh criticism is an excellent reason to prove someone wrong. Spite is a renewable resource.
Never forget something someone told you in confidence. You may need it later. (This is not ethical advice.)

Eat before labs. You will not want to eat during or after. Trust us. Do not ask why.
No, the deans do not want to see the moldy sandwich in your backpack. This has been tested.
You don’t have to nurture everything that grows. Some things are parasites.
Yes, everything dies. No, that’s not a normal conversation starter. Read the room.
Wash your damn hands. This is not a metaphor.