Am I The Bolcast? - A Kindred Agreement

Mike Carrozza • October 9, 2024

Opinion

 

Hello, and welcome to Am I the Bolas?

This column is for all of you out there who have ever played some Magic and wondered if you were the bad guy. I'm here to take in your story with all of its nuances so I can bring some clarity to all those asking, "Am I the Bolas?"

I'm ready to hear you out and offer advice. All you have to do is email amithebolas@gmail.com! You might see your story in the column. You might even hear it on the podcast. Which podcast? 

THIS PODCAST!

I'm Mike Carrozza, aka Mark Carbonza, and I love games.

Again! Again! Again!

This week, an agreement gets muddied. 

(Post edited for brevity, clarity, and a little bit of da juice!)

HEY, MIKE!

Hi Mike,

It was an honor to have you on my Kindred podcast, Quote of Arms. My Bolas question has to do with a similar project.

I used to run "Tribal Tuesday" streams, where everyone would agree to bring a deck built around a creature type (the name predated the rebrand and nomenclature discussion). The streams were marketed on the creature types. For the most part, the power levels were balanced and relatively low and removal-light due to adherence to the theme. One player brought a blue/white Merfolk deck, helmed by Sygg, River Guide

, and, late in the game, dropped an Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite
. They claimed it was in the deck as a lord, no worse than Lord of Atlantis
, but it swept up about half of the creatures. There were murmurs at the table, as no one had a removal spell for it, and they were frustrated about having to hold onto their creatures until someone could remove the pseudo-stax piece. Then, the Sygg player copied it with Phyrexian Metamorph
, and the table scooped.

Were they a Bolas for packing a card like that and not telling the table?

How about when they cloned it, ensuring that no one could get back into the game, and capitalizing off of the lack of removal from the theme?

And were we Bolases for scooping to the Metamorph?

I'd love to talk about it!

Thanks,

Unsummoned Skull

HOWDY, SKULL!

Thank you so much for writing in. As I say every week, without folks writing in, there is no column, so if you, the reader, have a story you'd like to share or a Reddit post I should check out, send it over to amithebolas@gmail.com and I'll get to it here or maybe even the podcast! Folks, follow UnsummonedSkull if you don't already, Skull's always cooking up something fun. 

Now, onto the submission. 

This feels like an easy one: if the entire table groans and bemoans the inclusion of a card during a themed game, then it's probably not a good thing. 

The rules of the game were set up in advance. The pod was to build or bring a deck focused on a creature type and stay within those types. Some creatures don't have the support others do, but in that case there are still ways to find pieces that at the very least say "choose a creature type". I think using Elesh Norn as an anthem is fine, but in this context, it feels like it's going way harder than the group was ready for in any sense. Patchwork Banner

or Metallic Mimic
 would no doubt be acceptable, but something about the board wipe on a stick is just not great in an environment where creatures are hopefully sticking to play. 

I'll say, we're missing some context here. We don't know what the other creature types were. Elesh Norn against Kraken creatures might be fine. Elesh Norn coming down against an army of 4/4 Angels seems fair enough. Elesh Norn against Zombies, Squirrels, Saprolings, and any manner of other creatures types is just bound to dominate.

All that said, my normal advice doesn't quite cut it here. You all had to have had a conversation way before the game to get on the same page about playing kindred decks to begin with. Describing the environment as removal-light is also an indication that what you play is likely to stick, which makes sense as this is a pod celebrating kindred synergies.

I can see an argument for Elesh Norn, Grand Cenobite

being in the deck as an anthem, but in Merfolk, I don't buy it. Elesh Norn is in as a removal piece, and to say it's like Lord of Atlantis
 is disingenuous. However, I would have 100% supported this player if they just wanted to play it as their board wipe and owned up to it. It performing double duty to anthem is gravy, and sometimes it's just the thing that gets you over the edge for the win. There are no real creature board wipes in white. Harsh Mercy
 in a pod like this would do nothing. Black has Kindred Dominance
, but for the most part, it's going to be non-creature-type-specific board wipes. So why not run a Wrath of God
 and be done with it? 

It's the wrong vibe for the table, and to double down with the Metamorph isn't great. Unless they were going for the win. 

This feels icky! It doesn't feel like it technically breaks anything aside from the law of the vibe, essentially. It feels wrong to have Elesh Norn in a kindred pod if you're not running a Phyrexian deck. Theme over function! That's the vibe! And this betrayed the vibe. The table collectively scooping speaks to this, and it feels like we all know the answer. 

Anyway, Norn's a Bolas. Scooping collectively, good. 

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza

Mike Carrozza is a stand-up comedian from Montreal who’s done a lot of cool things like put out an album called Cherubic and worked with Tig Notaro, Kyle Kinane, and more people to brag about. He’s also been an avid EDH player who loves making silly stuff happen. @mikecarrozza on platforms. Check out the Am I The Bolcast? podcast based on his series Am I The Bolas? where people send in stories about whether or not they're the bad guy!