Jeff Goldblum Commander Deck

Magic's Universes Beyond sets have been divisive, to say the least. While some fans are elated to see their favorite intellectual properties added to the Magic multiverse, others have bemoaned the Fortnite-ification of the game and how truly nothing is sacred anymore.

I'm trying to find the fun in it, though. While I'm not completely sold on mixing IPs in my Commander decks just for the sake of including the best cards, I am easily sold on wonky, sub-optimal builds with a stupid theme.

With so many real-world, actual actors represented on cards from our favorite movies, like Jurassic Park and The Princess Bride, I thought it'd be a fun challenge to craft a Commander deck based around the actor depicted on the card and not the character it represents, so, for all you Letterboxd account-holders, I'd like to introduce you to our first Hollywood Commander deck, based around Jeff Goldblum.

Jeff Goldblum Commander Deck

I'm In Jeffpardy

We're using the Jeff Goldblum Atla Palani, Nest Tender

Jeff Goldblum's acting career spans nearly five decades, beginning in 1974 with the film Death Wish and 1975 with a role in Columbo: A Case of Immunity. Since then, he's become known for a variety of flicks, including action-disaster movie Independence Day, horror flick The Fly, and a whole suite of Wes Anderson films. We'll be focusing on Jeff's most popular movies to make sure the bit lands when we bust this deck out for Commander night.

I've chosen the following three movies for our deck since they'll work best for a creature-heavy Atla Palani deck. Our general strategy here will be to use the Egg tokens to quickly fly through our deck and run out various creatures from The Fly, Jurassic Park, or Independence Day. I'm using The Grand Budapest Hotel as a sort-of stand-in for our ramp and interaction spells. I didn't say the analogy was perfect. So sue me. 

The Fly (1986)

The Fly focuses on Jeff Goldblum's descent into madness as an experiment gone wrong begins changing him into a grotesque human/fly hybrid. Goldblum's character's transformation begins when a fly buzzes into the "telepod" he's testing, fusing their DNA. His partner, played by Geena Davis, is pregnant and has nightmares of giving birth to a horrible fly creature, sort of like our gross Egg tokens! (Sorry, that metaphor is truly horrendous).

To represent this disgusting turn of events, some of our payoffs for Atla Palani's Egg tokens are great big Insects. Giant Adephage

The eccentric scientist's telepods are represented with our two big portal-looking artifacts, The Great Henge

Independence Day (1996)

Independence Day is an action-disaster movie with a simple premise: hostile aliens arrive on earth and begin blowing everything up in a War of the Worlds-style nightmare. Goldblum's character, a satellite technician named David, analyzes and discovers an encoded message between the aliens counting down until their coordinated attack. He spends much of the movie attempting to warn the President before he and Will Smith's characters steal one of the aliens' ships  and attack the mothership head on.

Predator, Flagship

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

Jeff Goldblum's part in The Grand Budapest Hotel is that of the Deputy Vilmos Kovacs, the lawyer representing the Hotel's interests. While his role doesn't define the movie, we can still draw inspiration from it for our deck. 

People come from all over to stay at the Grand Budapest; it's a popular destination for the  wealthy and powerful to vacation in the made-up country of Zubrowka. (Rule of Law

We're running Cabaretti Confluence

Finally, Trading Post

Jurassic Park (1993)

This section is the easiest, and it has the most support across Magic cards, so don't expect many surprises.

The only honest-to-god Jurassic Park cards we're running in this deck, besides Atla Palani, Nest Tender

The standard beaters are here, including Ghalta, Stampede Tyrant

Make sure you quote this scene as you explain how cloning works and cast Worldly Tutor

Strategy

Our Jeff Goldblum/Dr. Ian Malcolm/Atla Palani, Nest Tender

In the early game, we want to focus on sticking Jeff to the board, then start pumping out Egg tokens. As soon as we have at least one on the board, we can begin populating them to save the two mana we'd otherwise spend on activating our commander. 

Midgame for the Jeff Goldblum deck should see us with a fair board presence; we'll want two to three Eggs on the field and perhaps our cheaper beaters, like Wayward Swordtooth

Remember that those Eggs aren't just for sacrificing! Ancient Imperiosaur

Your opponent's curtain call comes when you've amassed an unstoppable army of Dinosaurs and Insects, or when you've snuck an Accelerated Mutation

Credits Roll

Many people have asked me why I'm doing this. Am I trying to force an aesthetic into a game that doesn't call for it? Yes. Is this a worthwhile exercise? No, probably not. Is a celebrity-themed Commander deck fun to joke about? Definitely. Will it win many games? Well...

Rather than look away in detestation of the new immersion-breaking Universes Beyond cards, I'm trying to lean in. I'll do what Magic players have been doing since the 90s: personalize the game around my preferences until I've found a deck that's fulfilling to play and I think conveys a certain amount of my personality. Or Jeff Goldbluim's personality. 

Does this deck building archetype have legs? Will I be able to craft a My Dinner With Andre deck based around Wallace Shawn's character Baral, Chief of Compliance

Thanks for reading! I'll see you at the movies!